Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Ok - becoming very cautious and maybe cynical. I now auto suspect crumb throwing. W friendly tonight and we actually talked about a few different things tonight.

W is pursuing trip to visit her dad. Cemented tonight when she found out he's been pretty sick for a month. She told me she would stay at their house and then probably take one day/night for herself in San Diego. She again told me things like "we" don't want to deal with visiting him when "we drive out this summer." She said things like if she goes alone that she fills that square for "us" for a couple of years to not have to visit again. She actually opened up just a little in talking about her relationship with him and told me one or two things about the past I'd never heard before.

We hung out in the living room all night after kids went to bed. Her computer was out, but again, not hiding in a room. And we talked back and forth a little bit...not a ton, but much more than the night before.

Not sure what to make of this...so for now, not making anything of it. The fog with the kids has been gone for the last couple of days. The wall with me, still seems to be pretty darn strong.

I am working hard at no pursuing, no cake eating, being more decisive not worrying about what she will think. And working at being happy regardless of what she does/thinks/says. I had a great run today...I was finally able to just zone out and forget about things and had a good run.