Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

They had school both days. It wasn't that bad. THIS IS BAD. I got my divorce papers in the mail today. Letter from her attorney saying he understands we both want the marriage to end and if I waive the notice of serving and the two-year waiting period then he will file the petition with the court.

In it, she's going for sole custody with visitation rights and no spousal maintenance.

I called her and it got heated. I reminded her that she agreed to joint physical custody as long as she got the house worked out at a meeting we had two weeks ago. Turns out she can't refinance and she's broke and can't live on less so she has to go for sole custody.

By coincidence, D7 had a school performance tonight and I had to see her there. We didn't say a word to each other.

There were lots of misunderstandings -- as usual. She felt like I tricked her into that meeting. She thought we were going the collaborative route and then she said I told I wasn't using a collaborative attorney two days later.

I don't remember that at all.

No matter. I do not want a divorce. Even though much of what she says about us being so different is true, I want another chance to see if we can get it right.

At one point on the phone, I said "I do not want a divorce. I still think this is crazy."

After, I started to write her a letter then crumpled it up. I don't really want to hire this attorney on Friday, but I don't see any other option.

I really just want to go over there and say, it's me. The one you committed to love forever. We've made it through our parents deaths, D7's ADHD struggles, a flood, work troubles, friend troubles. I'm still here and I want to be your best friend. I've always wanted to be your best friend, I just struggle with how to do that. Help me. Tell me what you need because I need you more than you need me.

I don't think I've ever put it that way.

I know you aren't supposed to pursue but I don't want to leave it unsaid.

I'm a mess. Help.