Ahhhhh hey guys. Not really sure what to type, kind of deflated.
Called up W after work yesterday to see what the plan was, and she didn't even want to meet and talk anymore.
She said, "It hurts just talking to you."
Well we did, and it wasn't very far that she really didn't want to negotiate. At one point she started to cry a little, I put my hand on her back and she said "don't touch me" - later she said, "you can't be that person for me anymore."
Anyway, I texted her today to agree to a support amount. I think it's much too much, she thinks it's much too little, but it's in the range in the scenarios that the mediator worked out for us. I really hope I don't regret this later, but looks like we can avoid court.
I've had moments today where I just feel like I hate her. And I know she's feeling the same thing. I've been wishing that I'd never gotten married (except for the boys, of course). She's unstable and self-absorbed. It's easy to think right now that it was the biggest mistake of my life.
Well, I have the boys with me tonight. When I picked them up, I wanted to say something like "I am so disappointed in you. We were supposed to be a team." But I really didn't say anything at all to her. I'm not sure if I said more than three words. Yeah, I was cold. Sorry.
And she emailed me tonight with a song suggestion to learn for my little acoustic band. WTF?
We actually have therapy tomorrow. Son of a &*@($. Wonder how that will go.
Well, the truth is - I'm going to need to co-parent with her. We're going to need to be partners.
She said to me last night, that she still thought we could be friends later, "even now..." Even now?? She's got this idea that somehow I'm the bad guy. Unbelievable.
Well, she'll keep the house, I'll keep most of the investments. Will be able to put together a downpayment on a place. Will have to stop contributing to the 401 to have enought takehome.
Side note - one of the reasons I didn't deliver my little speach was it sounded too much like something from Episode III... "You were supposed to be the chosen one! You were supposed to bring harmony to the Force, not leave it in darkness..." Sorry, geek alert, but have to find something to chuckle at I guess.
Well - perpective time. I have a friend that tells me - this is not the worst thing that will ever happen to you. I've got two great kids, I've got a job (even though my career is currently in need of repair). And for wide perspective, I live in a part of the world where things are pretty good - generally don't have to worry about disease, infrustructe problems, government instability, crime... this little drama of mine is survivable.
So tomorrow is another day.
And damned if I don't want to call her up and have a pleasant conversation. I won't.
Couple's therapy tomorrow. God. What to say? What's relevent to say? What's productive to say? I'm tired of her BS about being so hurt about having to negotiate.
Maybe I'm being a little self-absorbed too. In the end, if she keeps the house, the boys keep their home.
Anyway. If anyone has some helpful comments, I'm all ears.
