Lost Thanks I've been nothing but nice. Forever to my family.I've been too nice, no if they were guys, I'd kick their butts.Or at least dope slap the heck out of them.Those two created the monster.Before wife went nuts she knew it.When we were together,more people would come to my defense,including the principal 2 wks ago you know who wouldn't.The wife.Maybe D's been wife's mouthpiece all these yrs?Grandparents on both sides and all but wife's favorite neighbor shake their head, but see I wasn't the head of household,I gave in most of the time, to keep the peace and now I'm getting persacuted for the times I didn't keep the peace but spoke my mind. Wife told D the otherday, live your life anyway you want to it's your life and also told D that D and I relationship was half the reason for her divorcing me.Those that have been following this blog, remember kids can see me when they choose. That's how wife was, whatever the kids want, they get. Instead of cracking D's butt, son told me wife got a security system. Now I'm not paranoid, but I'm sure I'm in play there somewhere to as to why she got the security system.
Now I'm asking these questions and no not because I'm focused on my wife,I'm trying to understand, because no I was not perfect. But I sure as heck was not that bad,I was tricked into being felt to be worthless and that's a way to end a 19yr relationship or be remembered.
I'm turning the corner on somethings,not near what I was, but I am mentally feeling better.
What kind of personality type is it that has a MLC and at the beginning of the Anger rationalizes and follows thru on a divorce,bear in mind,this person didn't want one.Now I know stress had a lot to do with it.But from June to August every flipping fault became another "stress."And so quickly.
Never offering "emotional support" came up later."Together,share,why didn't I do more with kids or use certain gifts," that was before June.
An MLC'er sure gets you hopping.
But what else.
Now I know I pushed,pleaded,begged,obsessed,on the emails and texts,hoping somewhere in there i'd find my wife.But the bomb was "I'm numb, no feeling, it's you was June."July the don't want to date,be alone,split assets,holidays. Now that would not have come up if she hadn't talked to someone about divorce in June or July.
Most do not do that, do they?
I did not realize the level of selfishness,rationalization,ANGER FOR SURE,the complete and total destruction of a spouse I was in for.So hell yeah I'm avoiding her, love her, I do not like this new her.
Another question:As if, do you As if pma and smile no matter what, do you As if and ignore them like they do you? And no do not freak out, we'll pull the last ditch effort a wk before the Divorce is to be final, which for now, have 58 days until a hearing, so trying to buy time.
Why don't we do a timeline? There were some in the archives?
I do not offer to do anything for her anymore, I haven't in awhile, but I don't think she wants me to protect or even offer too.
I'm going to keep my word on some stuff, but nice has definately got me no where.
I'd hate to use the word consequence,but a consequence of all this it spun me into such a depression I am barely holding a job, now it will be alright, didn't want to be a mngr anyway, but anyway a consequence of this, is it did affect my income, also for shared custody a reduction in hrs and she was on such a together kick, i resigned the mngr position in July.My point is, I'm not making as much, she's not going to be receiving as much.I was so weak, I mean physically mentally weak guys, plus all the running around now being a DAD,which is what I want to be, I can't get back into old position.
I don't think she'll be able to afford the house. Now I know how to rescue it.
And who knows what her bottom will be if there is one, darn it.
But do I let reality hit alittle bit, that oops I don't have the cash coming in that I was taking for granted?
Not fighting with her for D, I'm just documenting everything.
Don't like my atty, so I'm going to just document for a bit and just try to stay out of the way.
