Question

[awest1217]

Thanks Lucky. On S, he has strep and a little touch of bronchitis. His 2nd dose of antibiotic tomorrow so hopefully he will feel better tomorrow. Also S asked something about where Daddy went so I said "where you do think he went?" He said "daddy went to his house. Daddy doesn't live with us." I took this opportunity to feel him out. I asked "do you want daddy to live with us all the time?" He said "No". So I asked "where do you want daddy to live?". S said " daddy will live at his house with insert OW name here." Can you believe it? He says he wants daddy to live somewhere else and thinks he always lives with OW. At the beginning of the separation when H was living with OW, is the only time I told him H was there. Crazy what he remembers. Kind of scary if he tells H that.

Next on to our time together. Overall it was ok. H helped a lot and that was nice. It started poorly though and I had to hold my tongue the whole way to the doctor's office. H gets in and I asked how his day was. He started ranting about how it is so unfair that the owners found someone to rent the house when they settled on an amount to rent. He had just told me 2 weeks ago he told the owners to find renters if they needed to. He just kept ranting about how this isn't fair. Not once did he say anything about coming home or any excitement about coming home. Just mad about having to move and rent a truck. How it just all wasn't fair for him. I held my tongue, but the whole night I was quiet and sighed a lot because I just don't know why I bother. Yeah he helps, yeah he offered to stay home with S tomorrow, yeah he said I love you and gave me a kiss when he left, but when it comes down to it...he doesn't want to give up OW and didn't have coming home even in his radar.

I don't know where to go from here. Nothing is happening with us this weekend. He wants to hang out all day Saturday, but that is it. He has off Sunday and Monday, but hasn't said anything about moving stuff back or even hanging out more. Nothing about V-day plans. He left early tonight because "his head was full" and he wanted to go home to feel better. He had asked to take us out to dinner, but we didn't finish the doc and grocery shopping until 6:30, but he did seem really eager to leave. He didn't even help put stuff away which he normally would. I don't know, but I am feeling I am going to have to say no go, which will be hard to do, but that is just the sense I am getting right now.

He can't do nothing and expect to come home. There is still this weekend...maybe he has some plans, but I doubt it. Oh well...at least in one month I will have a direction to what will happen and can move on one way or another.