Talk About a Quick Divorce

[elscotto]

Okay all I am new to this site so bear with me on my lack of abbreviation use.

Last summer I sent my wife,kids, mother, and wife's parents on a trip to Korea and Thailand. I couldn't go because I had to work and didn't have vacation time in the corporate job I worked. I always used my cavation time for the businesses that my wife an I owned. So she gets back from the trip and she is distanct and over reacts to a lot of things. I think in retrospect she was baiting me on a lot of stuff and I didn't know it at the time and engaged in some over the top battles.

So things just aren't going too well with us and I attributed that to stress. I came to her and sat down with her one Sunday night at the end of August and said "I really feel like we are letting stress and small things become a problem for us and I am concerned that if we continue this someone will say or do something that will cause a lot of harm. I love you an I you are important to me and I want for us to get along better and the way we should." She started tearing up and didn't say anything so I said well "Do you love me and o you want to be married to me?" She answered that she didn't know anymore. It was like a kick in the gut because there were no signs things were really wrong--again I thought she was just stressed with the businesses.

So I think that she is really feeling neglected by me and not feeling loved or important so I stress how important she is to me and how she is everything. She was very withdrawn so I asked her if there was someone else and she answered no but that she thought it was human nature to find other people interesting and that there were people that interested her married or not. I dropped that line that night. The next night I asked her again and she said no but that she had been "talking" to someone. I asked her to cut all communications with the person so we could work on our marriage and she said "its not about the other person its about us." I ask her if she has been unfaithful to me and she said "No, I could never do that." Then she asks me the same thing and I said no but why do you ask? She said I just figured you had with all the business travel you have done and the chances you have had. This is 9-1-09

So over the next several days she gets more and more withdrawn and of course I make all the mistakes I shouldn't have and should have dettached but didn't. So she says she thinks it might be a good idea to separate. I said "separation is one thing but if its a true seperation then we don't date others and we are not intimate with others otherwise its just a divorce that hasn't happened yet." She said okay. Then two days later expresses utter surprise when I mentioned that and said "I didn't agree to that and I don't recall that. This is 9-16-09. So in the meantime I am going to counseling by myself to try and save the marriage. She says she thinks counselors are quacks and if you shop hard and long enough you can always find one to agree with you. I told her on 9-19-09 that I had an appt with the counselor (Sat evening) and acted like I was going. Instead I borrowed a friend's car that she didn't know and followed her. She lied to me and told me that she was going out withthe girls but went on a date with the OM. It was a family "friend" who has small children and is married and is in the same martial arts club my family is in and was on the trip last summer.

It took all I could not to beat the hell out of them when I confronted them in the parking garage kissing and making out in his vehicle. I didn't call his wife but they thought I did so they called and fessed up. This was 9-19-09

9-20-09 I asked her to move out the next day. She didn't even apologize. When I pointed that out she murmured "sorry" and I said for what? Doing it or getting caught? She said "Neither--for hurting you." I said it would be good for her to have her own place and good for the kids not to see us fight or anything. She signed a lease for a house on 9-21-09 started sleeping there after the kids went to bed and coming back to my house in the morning before they woke up so they wouldn't ask questions.

Then she tells me the relationship has never been right and was most likely a mistake from the beginning. I said well we have 3 beautiful kids, a beautiful home, a marraiage that others envied and modeled their own after and you are telling me this is messed up? She said you have changed and you aren't the person I knew etc...and she no longer loved me and hadn't for a long time and didn't want to fix the marriage. She was done. I said okay then I can get a divorce done quickly.

So my attorney (she didn't get one) said he could have a divorce done in a week. He advises me to sit down with her and work out who gets what and give hime the list and he will write up a contract and enter it in as a part of th divorce decree. We divided up a LOT of money, house, assets, and businesses between 9-21-09 and our divorce was final 10-09-09.

Timeline
Bomb = 8-31-09
Catching her cheating 9-19-09
Divorce = 10-09-09