Sorry that you find yourself here. But you will not find a more caring group of individuals that will help you through this.
Okay, your H is going through a Midlife Crisis (MLC) plain and simple. All the stuff you've described explains it to a tee. Check out the MLC section of this website for more info.
First thing you need to do is take care of yourself. Your H is going through a second childhood. He is going to act and has acted like a spoiled, entitled teenager. Some of his acts are going to be downright embarassing, damaging and destructive. You have to detach yourself from it as best you can. Be supportive, but not overly so. And definitely set a boundary about the cheating.
He is going to blame you for everything that's unhappy in his life. Everything from why he's not ahead in his job to why it's snowing in the East Coast. Crazy, but true. Don't fall into the trap. He's going to have to go through this on his own. You're going to have to ride out the damage as best you can.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
