It sounds like she and you have totally different assumptions about some things, and that you have not been able to communicate with her in a way that she can hear you, except coercively.
Very fair, sadly true. I usually tried a soft approach when we first M, but as the years hardened me, I let my anger take control for a while. Then I became more distant and did what is called "barganing" in the book I'm reading.
If you don't mind me asking, did you mom ever get to a stage where they could accept one another as they were, not fighing so much? Is it just a matter of another 5 years and suddenly I'll wake up and find I love enough about her that my forced/chosen respectful & loving attitude (improving, not perfect) becomes natural and deep?
I'm not convinced that Retrouvaille would be helpful either. The problem is I don't know what else to do, other than being here. I can't change my assumptions that I think are right. I know I need to change by accepting her based on her background. It's just so hard for me.
The MC (now my IC) said 1/2 way through our sessions that she recognizes her lack of understanding made it harder to see my W's point of view. I'm hoping that her IC that she is just going to start seeing next week might be able to at least bond with her enough to help bridge some of those gaps (we aren't in MC anymore).
