So many stages in the separation/divorce process. My W left a voicemail last night telling me she wants to change the agreement we had on who gets what in the divorce, some major changes. Neither one of us has a lawyer, we are using a mediator to handle what we "agreed" on months ago. Now Ive been spending all day trying to figure out what to do. Lawyers cost lots of $$$$, I feel like Im losing everything, getting a lawyer may actually put me in debt.
Just venting, it just seems like the guy always gets screwed, with or without kids...
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
Beware though, as our legal system is hugely advesarial. What starts out as something amicable, winds up a full fledged war that nobody wins. Each side winds up doing things that they really didn't want to do initially because 'that' is the nature of the system. People start to think and do, via their lawyers, viciuos things because they believe they 'have to' to protect their kids and themselves. I wouldn't wish this crap on someone that I loathed.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
The state I live in is a community property state, any debt incurred, even student loans she will benefit from, is considered marital debt. I would be stuck with 1/2 of them and she can take 1/2 of my retirement. What a system... I work all these years to support her and I can get screwed by both of those things... She wants the house, leaving me with no cash from the equity...
Last edited by brknheart; 02/10/1010:45 PM.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
Absolutely. My advice to you is to fight like hell! Separate the emotional part of the divorce from the legal part of the divorce. They really are separate! It becomes tremendously advesarial once opposing lawyers get involved. That's just the way it is. Get ready man, because you're fixing to see and hear things from her, via her lawyer, that you NEVER thought possible! This is the war that nobody wins, and the kids are the innocent victims...so put on your armor (mentally and emotionally).
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I called her tonight, Ive been avoiding communicating over the phone, only want to over email. She refuses to talk about this stuff on email. She admitted she left the voicemail to upset me and get me to call her. Things are pretty much back the way they were before on what we agreed on. The good thing is we also agreed on the date of mediation. The sooner I get that over with, the sooner I can really move on with my life and get this past me.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
She wants the house, leaving me with no cash from the equity...
Hell no! ex and I also used mediation BUT each of us had some lawyer advice, you dont' need to retain a lawyer to get some good councel. My county had a program were the bar had a reference list of lawyers and I got a one time consult for $50 or so. So, before the mediation I went to the lawyers with all my figures/paperwork and we looked at what was best and what was reasonable i could get, where there was room for give and take.
In the end I got a much better settlement than I had originally thought of, I was SO glad I went to see the lawyer. Because we both made about the same he didn't have to pay me alimony and i left his retirement alone since he just joined the police force and there wasnt' much there. I bought him out of the house, he walked away with a good amount of cash and the house is mine. The L told me "after a mediation no one really gets all they want and feel they got screwed somehow". After the second draft and BEFORE i signed anything I went back to that same L, paid for one hour and had her review the paperwork, and that was that.
Your stbxW started this mess and I dont' see one darn reason why you have to give up the house, that's just totally ridiculous! don't give in, get an initial consultation NOW before you go to mediation.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Definitely see a L. Get some numbers and papers ready for him to review. You will have a better idea of what is reasonable, and what bargain chips you might have (e.g. she wants to keep a house even at a loss).
