how do i keep my hope alive?

[talia]

TTA,
Are you staying warm and safe?! I keep thinking of you when I see the news. Hope you are filling your time with fun things!!

T

[trytryagain]

so this is interesting...

i was down in the common room of my building, working on a photo project when i look up and see my H walk into the building. let me preface by saying there is a BLIZZARD going on outside and that he lives a good 15 miles away now, and no chance he was able to drive here.

he came upstairs, we talked for a good couple of hours. about how he's so confused, he's second guessing himself, he misses me...i told him i'm sorry he's feeling that way but that it was his decision to leave and that as far as i was concerned, we BOTH had to be willing to commit to working on the M, and from what i understood, he wasn't there yet.

i'm not really sure where we left it, but it was good to see him and he did say that i seemed very collected. when he left, we hugged and he said he'd see me soon. i did also tell him that as understanding as i wanted to be, it was also very confusing for me to hear him say one week he wanted to move out, and less than 2 weeks later, he's telling me how much he misses being with me. he said he knew he was being unfair to me.

i think he wanted to kiss me when he left but i made it obvious that it wasn't going to happen. i had NO IDEA he would come over today of all days (literally, we got about 10 inches of snow today!) and i really don't know what to do (if anything) next???

[MrBond]

Blow it off for now. He's confused. Don't let his confusion be yours. He'll probably do this a few more times and then go back to blaming you for HIS issues and why he's so unhappy. It's called cycling.

For now, don't contact him, and let the need for you continue to grow in him. You want it go get so bad in him that he's going to be willing to get help for his problems.

[trytryagain]

thanks, stuck...he did say he's looking for a counselor to talk to. maybe that will help him sort out his emotions, but in the meantime, i'm working on not letting his emotions confuse me. NOT an easy thing to do!

[talia]

TTA,
Stuck is right! Just keep encouraging him to get help for himself. He needs to discover his own happiness. Responding to his confusion with something like "It must be very difficult to be so conflicted. Having someone help you sort that out might be a good option" will show him your support and push him to get some help.

You handled it great!!!!


T

[talia]

(((((TTA)))))

That has to be the hardest thing to handle when you can't leave the house to be distracted. Hang in there!


T

[trytryagain]

thanks, talia! that's what i told him, that i was sorry he was so conflicted but that maybe he could find someone to help him deal with all his feelings ...

thank GOD i have wine in the fridge in this damn snowstorm!! it's my saving grace today! that and the treadmill. i need to run some of this frustration out!

[Onthemountaintop]

I remember when I thought my sitch was very bleak, that my W and I hugged. She said she wanted one hug to remember. It was a great feeling ~ one that helped lead me to not give up at that point.

If you talked for hours, it sounds like you had an opportunity. Do you think he feels more assured that you are working on you, and that is a good thing if he decides to get his butt back where it should have been?

So he's confused...he's human. So are you. His confusion hurts you. Of course it does, don't feel bad about that.

Maybe a text saying you loved the conversation and you hope he finds a good IC to work out his feelings.

I think if he said that he knew he was being unfair, he might be feeling guilty. Guilt leads to shame, not away from it. I think letting him you know you aren't holding a grudge, even though it hurts, lets him know you aren't going to be crying 'how did you' if he wakes up to your coffee one day.

Either way it goes next, sounds like you handled yourself well~

[trytryagain]

thanks, OTM. i really tried to keep my cool while he was here. of course i just wanted to melt into his arms and tell him everything was going to be ok, but i didn't...i think he sees i'm making positive changes in my life, hopefully that could help give him an extra boost to get his as$ in gear, too.

i'm sure he felt some guilt, but i calmly expressed to him that i was confused at how he could tell me he was sure this was what he wanted 2 weeks ago and now be at a point where he's not sure. i said, part of me wants to say, you COULD be home with me and the dog, getting a good night's sleep and not being alone, had you not decided to move out, so i don't really know what you want me to say. i understand that you felt that you had to move out, but at the same time, it still really hurt me that you did.

who knows where this will go. he texted again to say it was worth the trek out here in the blizzard to see me. i guess only time will tell, and i'll just keep working on me.

it did feel SO GOOD to hug him again, though...

[Onthemountaintop]

What did he say about the apartment lease, if anything? Did it come up?