My W still does things to make me wonder. Not so much about whether she wants to "come back", as that's really off the table now, certainly in the near term. The question is, what is our future? Will we have one?
She had to drop off a couple things for the kids last weekend. She picks Sunday at 6pm, right before the Superbowl starts. I'm home with the kids, got the pre-game on the big screen. I've got food and snacks all laid out and the kids are excited about a fun evening. I usually have a Superbowl party, but I had just returned from a week away on business, and I didn't want to deal with a party.
So my W comes in and gives me the things for the kids. My son comes running out and gives her a hug, and of course asks "Can you stay to watch the Superbowl?!" She looks at me and says "If Daddy says it's ok." My son gives me his big hopeful look, and I say "You can hang out for a while if you want." She perks up, smiles, and asks "Got any beer?" I said "Sure."
We had a nice time eating and watching the game. The kids were thrilled to have us all together. After the initial awkwardness waned, she starts asking me about my life, like she always does, and I start joking around with her a little bit. My oldest daughter immediately notes our friendliness and says we shouldn't be separated. My W says "I know it's confusing, isn't it?"
All this is standard cake eating for her, but she said something odd that maybe gave me a little visibility into how she perceives things between us. The kids wanted to show her the Wii dancing game, so we put it on. After the kids danced a couple songs, I offered her a controller and asked if she wanted to give it a try. She said in a half joking, half sad manner "No way. I'm not going to do it the first time in front of you and give you even more evidence that I'm a fool." I didn't say anything in response, but it made me a little sad. I've picked up that vibe before, when she denegrates herself in front of me. I don't know what to do with it. If I gave her some standard "Oh, I don't think you're foolish", she'll immediately perceive that as insincere, as she knows I do think she is being selfish and foolish. This is where Coach excels here. What would he say in response?
In what is an enormous 180 for me, I kept the controller and danced with the kids. She didn't say anything, but after I did, laughing and joking with the kids, I offered the contoller again and said "Come on. Give it a try." She took the controller this time and danced with the kids, having a great time. She got top score in her first dance, and I said "See, you're a natural." She said "I have got to get this game!"
She stayed through the first half of the Superbowl, then told the kids she had to go. They objected, but she said "This is your time with Daddy, and I have work to do at home." She put on her coat, said her goodbyes to the kids. I made no move toward her, I just said "Goodbye, W" from across the room, and she left.
Another whirlwind visit into my home. Funny, it's the home she dramatically declared she would never go back into a couple months ago.
