Positive developments? #2

[MichelleLT]

Well, the semi-stalkerish hanging by her hotel obviously is a no no. LMAO. Sounds like she needs things on her terms right now if you want to spend time with her. She's still trying for the independence and illusion of control.

Glad she still wanted to see you after she calmed down.

So many positives in there. Hope you guys do get to hang out a bunch more.

Is there something good she could use as an excuse to FIL to stay?

Did you talk about her living sit at all?

I'm just gonna pester you with questions today. It's slow at work.

[jon2911]

LOL! I was just killing time until our 7:00 plans, needed internet, actually caught up a bit on your thread, (congrats on the house!), should have realized it would freak her out. This back and forth is giving me whiplash, have to remember that 7:00 dinner plans with my W can't be treated as such, sometimes. Other times it's just like old times.

No talk about living sitch yet. Hoping we're able to do lunch and that she stays in town for a little while.

As for FIL, he doesn't know she just bought a new phone and Netbook (only $150 combined, W is amazing with Verizon support people), I don't think he even knows she's here. She seems to be keeping up as if she's in Houston. She's said the phrase "the fear of FIL" several times last night, and she means it. She's always torn between loving him and being scared to death of him. It's very sad. Pester on...

[jon2911]

Text from W, and she's good for lunch. Setting up details now.

[MichelleLT]

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!

[jon2911]

Lunch was great. She really liked the place and the food, and likes the area near my job. I can tell she's thinking...

She's staying at the hotel for another night, and we have plans for Studio Movie Grill, combo dinner and movie place. She's still not sure about her plans for the weekend, whether she should stay here, or I should come there, or neither. Depends on FIL and his negotiations to get her out of her lease. She said she "might need to drink a lot". LOL. Told her I'm up for that.

I have a church begging me to play this weekend, and I told them I'm still up in the air. She said she'll talk to FIL today and get back with me.

[River]

Sounds like she needs things on her terms right now if you want to spend time with her. She's still trying for the independence and illusion of control.

I think Michelle's probably exactly right here. Makes it all unfeasibly difficult for you, but if W is struggling to be independent, at least there's the prospect of her behaviour stabilizing once she feels more confident with it.

I hope the lunch goes well.

[MrBond]

"She's still not sure about her plans for the weekend, whether she should stay here, or I should come there, or neither."

It's not a matter of what SHE wants. What do YOU want. And don't say I want what she wants. Well she wants out, do you? Time to kick her into the back seat and you do the driving for a change.

[jon2911]

Hi Stuck! What I want is to spend Valentine's with my W. And I want to do it here. So I just tell her what's up right? Worked really well last night. While I'm at it, I'll tell her to never listen to FIL again, and that she'll be miserable with her grandparents and needs to move back here.

I'm torn about Sunday. They're asking me for an answer, and nothing from W yet. If it wasn't Valentines, I wouldn't be doing everything I can to make it happen. Life as an LBS. Of course, I could have flown off the handle last night and called her a b-tch and never to cancel on me again. That's what FIL would do. And that's why she married someone like me, not like him.

[MichelleLT]

Plus, it's like she's having an A with you. Which probably gives her a much needed bright spot in her life right now.

There is still loving boundary setting though. But since you have said you would be flexible about this weekend, it's important to act consistent with your words.

In the future, you can be a little more like "you can come stay with me / go to an event with me but I can't come up" if you think being a little less available would be a good strategy.

[jon2911]

Called W a couple times after work, no answer so I figured she'd fallen asleep, so I decided to not be stalker-ish and go home to finish cleaning my apartment. Almost forgot about the inspection today. What a week.

Got that done, drove back north, picking up some food for W, and called her about 9:15. Fortunately, she woke up, I was getting worried that I'd be spending the night in my truck.

The night was awkward, but fun. W was edgy and sharp, I could tell she was feeling bad, but trying to push through. She explained that her medication makes her super chatty until she crashes asleep. Pretty much what happened both nights.

I helped her with some computer stuff, but it was annoying me. Work is stressing me out and I don't like doing more tech support after work LOL. W also told me "let's just make this our Valentine's", that she had to be back to put in her notice at her apartment. I got further annoyed, but we talked it through and it was just a mis-communication about her coming in this week. I told her it caught me by surprise when we had already talked about the weekend. So I didn't have her Valentine's present, will have to figure something out.

We watched Modern Family and Grey's Anatomy, and it helped me relax a bit. At one point she said "if you're thinking about amorous, I'm too sad right now." When we went to bed, she started crying, and I could tell she'd been holding everything back. I just held her for a bit.

She said "I don't want to move in with my grandparents." I listened for a while, then told her my thoughts. She said "I know what you think", but I gently kept going. I told her it's not going to work, it didn't work to live with her Dad before and they should know better now. But they love her and just want to see her do better. I told her an apartment at the price she could get next to me isn't going to happen anywhere else, and I think it would make sense to her family just based on that, and that they would still help her. She fell asleep right during the talk (the crash), so not sure what she'll remember.

She woke me up at 6:00 to see if I wanted breakfast, and I told her I wanted something else instead, and... Breakfast was very nice a little later also.

Snowing like crazy here in Dallas, going home early tonight and coming in late tomorrow. Woo hoo!!!!