I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[talia]

Journaling.....

I've been working on dividing up our financials into what I think are fair #'s. With me taking over the house pmt H has to pretty much pay for almost all the other bills in order for it to be equitable - i.e. close to 50/50.

My issue is.. is it normal to feel really bad that whats fair to me is going to hurt him financially for a while??

I mean - my part includes somewhere to live and he needs to pay "equally" and somewhere to rent on his own?? I feel like that's wrong - even thought my L says its what the law allows.

At the same time... its not like I can pay more just because I feel bad - there are major consequences to D and since he chose to leave he's getting the short stick when it comes to that....


Its weird. Part of me would like to ruin his life forever so at least if he's going to put me through this he will suffer long term for his poor choices.... at the same time.... I hate to hurt him long term or make him miserable - we both should walk away from this partially intact.

Am I just being too nice and caring too much? I'm not going to make decisions based on these feelings. But it pains me to put enforce the reality of all of this on him. I just feel horrible about all of it....

I wonder if maybe it just feelings related to how tragic the entire situation is - in general... just how devastating it will be for both of us when you really break it down - the full impact is devastating financially. Both of us are going to have to work hard to recover and that's going to take several year.

Anyway... I'm just rambling...


T