My Story...possible "grass is greener" scenario?

[MrBond]

I can see why sandi and everyone else had gotten so frustrated with you in terms of not listening. What part of "do not contact her" didn't you understand? I believe you said that yourself.

"I think I remarked how calm she seemed today in comparison to yesterday"

I can't believe you actually said that. THAT is just asking for a fight. I don't know if you really don't know what pushes her buttons, but that's a big one. You are saying all of this is HER fault. It may very well be, but you don't keep prodding that especially in front of your D.

"If my car door hadn’t been shut, I would have fallen out and hit the ground. I think my response was something like "oh ok"...but on the inside, I was thinking, "wtf is going on here...she said all that stuff to me yesterday and then comes back with this. crazy." (By the way, vets...is that pursuit by her and what might have caused it?)"

THAT is NOT pursuit. She's just making a statement. Besides you're not supposed to be talking to her right?

So far it doesn't sound like your W's bipolar. If you were to talk to another female the way you just did with your W, I think they'd get pissed too.

You're reading too much into stuff. Just detach, be calm, cool and collected when you do see her, but that's it.

[nsw1222]

Thanks for the list flowmom.

I think the biggest things I would need to work on is mixed availabiltiy signals, balanced ego, maintaining strong friendships, and outside passions.

That is a great place for me to start.

THAT is NOT pursuit. She's just making a statement. Besides you're not supposed to be talking to her right?

So far it doesn't sound like your W's bipolar. If you were to talk to another female the way you just did with your W, I think they'd get pissed too.

You're reading too much into stuff. Just detach, be calm, cool and collected when you do see her, but that's it.

Good to know stuck. And I dont plan on calling or texting her to see how her day was...nor will I call her tomorrow about the food. She will likely call tomorrow afternoon to talk to D3...and if she doesnt mention the food I wont.

I still plan on cutting her off...but I just found what she said and how she was acting to be strange and completely opposite of how she was yesterday.

[jasper67]

It will not be the last time- but if you remove yourself from the sitch and let her keep her flip-flop banter- you will be far better off.

keep it simple and keep it short- let it be all about you except when D needs you

DETACH

[MrBond]

One of the most important lessons I've learned on here is to not listen to EVERYTHING the WAS says. It'll drive you insane.

Besides ignoring your W, what other things have you been doing to make yourself better and get out of the funk? That's what you should be concentrating on.

[nsw1222]

Besides ignoring your W, what other things have you been doing to make yourself better and get out of the funk? That's what you should be concentrating on.

I finished the book on codependency last night. But it's gonna take more than the book to help me break off from my ex in that way. I've got a few weeks til I go back to my IC.

Hopefully I can get to the gym on Friday...with all the snow and doctors appointments I havent been able to get there.

The next book I'm gonna start on is "The four Agreements"...and I'm gonna place an order tonight for "no more mr nice guy" along with a couple others that people get with it.

[Steve McQueen]

Bipolar...Borderline Personality disorder...setting me up...stringing me along...all of the above? And people wonder why the newbies fall off the advice wagon so easily...its spouses and exes like this that say one thing and do another and drive us up the wall.

answer is: you think too much about it.

Relationships are suppose to FUN, spontaneously, good times, quick sex. You make it all work and analyze this and contemplate that. No wonder she is running in the opposite direction.

nothing is wrong with your woman. she just got bored.

[Deep]

You know ... I'm FAR from a saint, and can't even claim to be halfway socially responsible at times.

But it did hit me that giving you (nsw) advice here is helping to equip you to "win" back your ex, without you showing a single sign of changing / improving yourself at all.

I'm all for helping people help themselves and to deal with their emotional pain however possible. But the other side of this ... really, I can't say I would do this to most people, even strangers ... and I don't know the ex at all obviously.

[nsw1222]

You know ... I'm FAR from a saint, and can't even claim to be halfway socially responsible at times.

But it did hit me that giving you (nsw) advice here is helping to equip you to "win" back your ex, without you showing a single sign of changing / improving yourself at all.

I'm all for helping people help themselves and to deal with their emotional pain however possible. But the other side of this ... really, I can't say I would do this to most people, even strangers ... and I don't know the ex at all obviously.

Are you saying you're having misgivings about my getting advice here because even though it may pay off in my getting my ex back I wouldnt have changed/evolved in the process?

[MarkG]

Too late for a huge response, but really weird nsw.... How bout this: as for texting, don't text her and ask how her day went even with permission, make her do the pursuing. As for the lunch, accepting an invite is good, but keep it at a family level with a bit of distance from the W. Don't let her get too close either. This sounds really good though, like things are actually working, just make sure you don't jump the gun.

[MrBond]

"Are you saying you're having misgivings about my getting advice here because even though it may pay off in my getting my ex back I wouldnt have changed/evolved in the process?"

Uh let's put it this way. You haven't done anything yet one way or the other. You ask a lot of questions, get answers to them and you don't do anything with them.

Yet you repeat the same mistakes over and over again, Then come to the boards and say "I don't get why she's doing this". Why? Why? Why?

How about you try just ONE thing and see how that goes?