There's no reason to hate yourself regardless! He's not the king in charge of love. I'm sure you're very lovable.
Iny any event, I also think it's quite possible that he still loves you if he is trying.
Just work on sorting out what is a real complaint and fix it and what is venting. Seems you've made a lot of progress with that already. It takes a long time for either of you to form new habits, but it can happen.
Good luck with the theater. Maybe invite him to be a part of it (parties related to and performances?) and make it all very transparent and that would help.
Can I just vent that I hate this marital settlement agreement. He makes the money, so I can see why he wants to protect his interest. But I hate hate hate that he will come out ahead financially. Here I am cutting corners and he is talking about buying an airplane...
It would really bug me to have to listen to someone talking about buying an airplane during such a situation. Keeping your mouth shut about something like that will be the true zen monk test of your progress. Ha.
Airplanes eh! I know he loves to fly but the only thing Im going to say is "boys with toys" the emphasis on the first word lol! Yet another thing to see if he can push H4L's buttons, she is skint and Im talking about buying planes lets see if she bites...
Its the same thing with my H he is spending money on diesel going places but I owe my yard owner some livery money, but I just bite my tongue and I do have a plan B up my sleeve which he doesnt know about so got it covered a bit.
Keep it up mate you are doing good and fab news about doing a bit of theatre, I cant wait to get back to dancing when the finances are sorted out again.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks. I'm so happy to hear some recognition of my good work in ODP! Not only did I not bite re: the airplane, I showed positive support! I said, "ooh, how exciting" and listened to his plans. TEchnically, when we get legally separated, his debt is his and mine is mine, so it is his issue. If we reconsile, I want to show support for his dreams. I resisted the urge to say "How in the h*** are you going to afford that?"
He's quite a practical person, so I doubt this will go anywhere anyhow. I saw it as an opportunity to be a supportive partner for his happiness. (patting self on the back)
Got another "Good night" last night. Boy these are tiny babysteps!
H got a bit over his funk. Said he didn't want to go down his list of stressors late at night (when we were talking) so I suppose he's not keeping it from me for any particular reason. You were all right - just letting it go and not taking it personally was the best plan.
He is back to speaking to me with calm and courtesy - another small baby step, but a couple months ago I never thought it would happen.
A lot of the marriage books suggest making it a practice to avoid discussions of significance in the late evenings, so that is one thing you can feel good about agreeing with.
Thank you rr22, I have to agree with that. My H, and probably I too, is really difficult to talk to at night. You're right it was good that he noticed this.
We have gotten sucked into late night talks in the past because that was often the "only" time we had to talk. But now that we have MC, at least I know there will always be a time to talk.
And once H gets more comitted to me, I would like to schedule a regular time to talk with him on our own - but we're not there yet. Being able to talk at all is still something we are working on.
By the way, I hate valentine's day this year. Just had to get that out.
Learning to pick up on when is not a good time to discuss things is definitely more of an art than I used to think it was lol! I keep my ears peeled for warning signs of "I dont want to discuss this right now" and try and turn it into
1) Validate the feelings 2) Validate he/she's need to leave it for now 3) Ask for a time when its suitable to talk about it 4) Discuss problem 5) Bring to sensible conclusion
Takes five times as long as "scream about it till heard" but it works far quicker lol!
Have to say Im struggling keeping my valentine expectations low, Ive done all my things, nice hand made card, hand made chocolates and a book I know he wants, but why do I have this sinking feeling mines just not gonna cut the mustard!
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 02/10/1008:46 PM.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
This might be the only situation where I'm better off than H4L and LR right now, because I KNOW FOR SURE my Valentine's Day isn't happening, so I don't have to wonder!
