I've never seen it either, but since it is something that is obviosly of interest to your h that he would choose it for a screen name and even quote lines from it I'd suggest you see it at least once.
LL
Bad idea - much too "dark" and depressing of a movie for Pam. It's the kind of movie that would really bother her.
Quote: BTW, is blackmail effective then? Because my H already clearly stated that I should not dream of his posting here (even though he does not seem to mind that I do).
I very strongly discourage that form of blackmail. Find another way to encourage him.
I thought he had been discussing posting and I had sent him an email that it would mean a lot if he would post just once in a while to show an interest in where I am at now and meet my new friends.
Then we discussed starting this second thread which he was going to read on and possibly post too. Mentioned the questions I had and was either going to start this thread with them or post them on my own. So he said go ahead here and send him the link. And here we are.
So sometimes my memory isn't so great anymore. [snip, snip] But I don't recall the blackmail.
I remember the conversation very clearly because I was yelling into the phone while at work, with people around. (Something I really dislike.) I guess the only appropriate thing to say here would be..... (You know what's coming)...... "What we've got heiya is a failya ta camunicate." (Sorry.... couldn't resist. I know - I should have tried harder.)
Quote: I also vote for a new private thread for you!
I sensed a feeling of you posting here under duress...not the best motivation.
I agree that a new thread would probably be a good idea. I'm just not sure I'm ready to start one of my own. I'm still considering that one. I feel like Pam has gotten very stressed, depressed, and suicidal lately. It was becoming quite common to get her "afternoon depressed/stressed/obcessive/suicidal" instant messages or phone calls while at work. I've been unusually busy lately, so they were really wearing on me. I decided since I'd been considering posting anyway, that I'd just go ahead and agree to do it.
I , like shiny, had a sense of coersion on your part which I now find just a bit troubling. This doesn't mean for you to go away though There is much more then just a "hen party" going on here and you might be able to figure out a way to address that Falyah to Ko-mun-a-kate
Quote: I feel like Pam has gotten very stressed, depressed, and suicidal lately. It was becoming quite common to get her "afternoon depressed/stressed/obcessive/suicidal" instant messages or phone calls while at work
It saddens me to see/hear that Pam is in this part of the cycle again We have all suggested that she return to her dr.and explain what is going on and ask to have her med/dosage adjusted. I really don't like venturing this suggestion on this open thread but...have you talked to her about her meds as well? This is something that it is very important that she take care of and not put off which I get the feeling she may be trying to do (Sorry Pam but this really NEEDS to be taken care of)
I hope I haven't stepped on the wrong toes with this... Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I think I can answer this one for CHL, Zoo. He's absolutely been on Pam's case about the meds...heck HE'S the one who dragged her in to get that Rx filled and get back on them after her impromptu "cold turkey" .
Pam's going to agree we're all ganging up on her, but rest assured CHL, she's been getting more than a nudge to see not only about meds/dosage but about getting in to see a GOOD counsellor.
I believe that Pam's depression, largely untreated for most of your M, right? is a HUGE issue here. It has and is creating emotional instability, over-dependence, and a host of other problems that are NOT helping this sitch AT ALL.
One thing I can tell you, CHL is that although I don't suffer from depression, I do have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which has dipped into depression, serious enough for suicidal thoughts a few times).
When I FINALLY woke up to how much this was contributing to the toxic behaviours I displayed with CJ (my H) I got my a$$ to the doctor and onto meds PRONTO...I also started therapy and embarked on all manner of meditation/self help stuff.
Pam is really working on the behaviour side of things, meditation and all...I just feel that her depression is not at present being treated well enough to allow these methods to do what they should.
CHL, I was an overly dependent, whining, angry, controlling, sarcastic, moody, perfectionistic, dismissive, "entitled" , "weak", needy, ....need I say UNPLEASANT? person to live with for quite some time.
(now I DO have my good points!!! )
But it really took the right meds (I take Celexa and low doses of Xanax) and persisting with my mediation, and cognitive therapy to turn this around.
I realize now that I'm actually FUN to live with!!
I mean, no wonder CJ used to work long hours and travel all the time...what did he get here but gloom and continual disappointment.
Oh, yeah, that was a HUGE theme for me. If I'd have died during that time, my epitath would have read "She was Disappointed".....YUCK!!!
This is NO way to live.
I feel so for Pam right now as she's still so emotionally labile (up and down) and far too dependent on you for those swings.
I feel so for YOU, CHL, because if you're like CJ (and Pam seems to think, that in some ways, you are) you've been worn down by the years of being "the strong one"...and having to live with such toxicity at home (sorry Pam, I can think of no other word...and it applies to my sitch too) .
CHL, CJ was CONVINCED that I would never change...it was just the was I was...Didn't help that I would excuse my temper or sarcasm by saying just that: "I get it from my Mom...all the women in our family are emotional screamers"
Can you say "Lame Excuse"????
We're encouraging Pam to lay OFF on contacting you, especially phone calls of that sort AT WORK!! Possibly the WORST timing!
We've told her to come here, vent, meditate, distract herself, challenge her thoughts and whether you know it yet or not...she's had some victories!!!
Pam....are you hearing this??? Calling David at work...NOT TO DO!!
Keep posting CHL!
How have your physical symptoms been? Can you link a worsening of them to any particular types of stressors?
Here's hoping all is well at work...an you're having a GOOD night's sleep!
Shiny
P.S. you can only do two eggs??? If that's a cholesterol thing, I heard recently that an egg a DAY is just fine!
You could have knocked me over with a feather when I got home from grocery and signed onto the BB!!!
Coulda knocked me over too. Wasn't sure I'd post anything, but decided I had to live up to my end of the bargain.
Quote:
BTW: Like the screen name.
Didn't realize you had made a bargain with me. As I recall the conversation that isn't when you said you would probably post but you informed me it was a controlling conversation. I thought that was the IM that you sent me to read the other day.
Haven't got that done yet by the way.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I thought he had been discussing posting and I had sent him an email that it would mean a lot if he would post just once in a while to show an interest in where I am at now and meet my new friends.
Then we discussed starting this second thread which he was going to read on and possibly post too. Mentioned the questions I had and was either going to start this thread with them or post them on my own. So he said go ahead here and send him the link. And here we are.
So sometimes my memory isn't so great anymore. [snip, snip] But I don't recall the blackmail.
I remember the conversation very clearly because I was yelling into the phone while at work, with people around. (Something I really dislike.) I guess the only appropriate thing to say here would be..... (You know what's coming)...... "What we've got heiya is a failya ta camunicate." (Sorry.... couldn't resist. I know - I should have tried harder.)
I agree! Even if I haven't seen the movie yet.
I also notice no credit was given for the fact that I was improving last week and had only ONE DAY that was a problem in interacting with you last week.
BTW: Maybe you should consider not yelling? Just a thought!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
No toes stepped on! At this point in time David mostly knows everything going on in my life even the BB to a great extent. Working on changing some of that but not there yet.
He has very definitely discussed my medication with me. More than once I believe.
Hey Shiny,
You FORGOT I kicked it once on my own!!!! The therapist we were seeing never tried to address the depression, which is why David never brought it up to her. And she is the reason that at this time I am not looking to see anyone else. I do intend to call the doctor again though to ask about either adjusting this medication or switching to something else entirely.
Umm..Shiny did you neglect to mention that yeah you got it from your mom so it was your learned method of behavior for years and I bet you didn't totally get it changed overnight.
I can actually only call David at work because he does not answer my calls, pages or emails. I would actually prefer a different method of contacting him and have discussed this with him. We have not managed to come up with a viable alternative plan yet.
I hear you Shiny, I will not be calling David at work.
I intend to work on what I posted on my thread about this morning. I believe if I can work it out it will be beneficial for me.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
There is much more then just a "hen party" going on here and you might be able to figure out a way to address that Falyah to Ko-mun-a-kate 
Even if I haven't seen the movie yet.