I have been going to IC but have not shared all of my thoughts. I know what I have been thinking is the chicken way out, but after all that she and I have shared and done, the plans we have made, the thought of her being with someone else/her having a family with someone else/us leading separate lives from now on...
On top of all of this I see that I have caused her a lot of pain and I feel like I let her/us down.
Q9,
It is normal to feel this way. Please talk to your IC about thoughts like this. Meds can help stabilize/calm you so that you can get through this.
In the early days, it is also quite common to assume all the blame for the breakdown of the M. You did let her down, but not nearly as much as you think you did. Be rest assured, at this point, your W is more than happy to have you accept ALL the blame for the failure of the M. The more you take responsibility, the less she has to.
She is currently in fantasy land, where she's just a helpless victim and is in no way responsible for any of this. Don't be so quick to shoulder the entire responsibility for the demise of the M. It took both of you to get to where you are today.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
