Seen H last night for a few minutes, and he was very cold and short with me. No R talk, just kids and house issues. However, I remained very calm and upbeat and let his coldness roll off my back. This morning he texted me "Have a good day!", I didn't respond, and then he texted again "How was your class last night?" I responded with short "fine, just a long night". I just don't understand how he can be cold one day and then all sweet the next. I thought about this, and I think I've found a pattern to his behavior. When he see's or talks to her, he is mean to me. On the days he doesn't talk or see her, is when he is sweet.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Ok, this is embarrassing. Here is what I had planned on putting in the letter. My H & the OW suspect I'm getting my information from people that work with OW. So I made the letter out as if I was one of those people.
I am sorry to have to give you this disturbing news. I have seen your wife, Tamryn being picked up from work by another man for awhile now. Sometimes during her dinner break and sometimes after work and others have also seen them together and what they are doing is wrong.
It took me awhile to track the man’s name down, but I finally have. MY H NAME, I don’t want to risk finding out his cell phone number. But I can tell you he drives a white chevy truck with a tool box in the back, and it’s a duel cab. I found out that he is also married, and was able to track his wife down and I have already informed her of their affair. I’m not sure if she has confronted her husband or not. When I contacted her, I was able to tell her where she could see them together. As far as that I don’t know if she has done anything.
I believe this type of behavior is wrong no matter what is happening in the marriage, and I pondered for awhile whether to inform you and the other mans wife. Finally, I realized that I could not sit back and do nothing. Therefore, I decided to contact both spouses, because I felt you both had a right to know.
Sorry I cannot give you my name or any other information that might identify me. I do not want to jeopardize my job.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
NEVER DO EXPOSURE ANONYMOUSLY. Your husband is going to find out it was you anyway (or will SUSPECT it was you), so you're going to get all the venom and blowback that comes from taking ownership for it ANYWAY. Only you won't get the credit for at least taking a principled stand.
You're dithering on this whole exposure thing, MB. If you're going to do it, DO IT, and please do it the right way. Pardon my french, but this is chickenchit.
mb28, to me part of GAL is maintaining the integrity and authenticity of who I am. If my efforts to DB are undermining that, then there is something wrong with how I am DBing. How is your GAL going? If contacting the OWH has become a preoccupation/obsession then IMO you need to redirect. The vets here have fantastic advice, but if you cannot realistically follow their advice for practical reasons (not having a phone number or address), then IMO it's time to back-burner this plan and get back to GAL. Hugs to you know. I can only imagine the pain of dealing with the A.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I can't remember if you're in IC? It's really helping me right now and I recommend it if that's possible for you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Time to be a strong, confident woman who always does the right thing. Remember courage is when people are afraid to do something and they do it anyway.
Tell him what you know, he deserves it, no more excuses, you saw it with your own eyes.
You will get the venom, the threats and the anger. But eventually you will get your husbands respect for fighting for your marriage. This will speed up the process of reconcilliation not slow it down, expose the affair and it will die.
flowmom, I am in IC, and she does help with my self esteem. However, I do feel like I need to find a different one. She is not very supportive of trying to work on my M after I found out about the A. She wants me to move on, and tells me that it's almost impossible to have a happy M after an A. Luckly, for me, I don't agree with her at all on that one. I know way to many couples that have come back from A and have a very happy M.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
mb28, to me part of GAL is maintaining the integrity and authenticity of who I am. If my efforts to DB are undermining that, then there is something wrong with how I am DBing. How is your GAL going? If contacting the OWH has become a preoccupation/obsession then IMO you need to redirect. The vets here have fantastic advice, but if you cannot realistically follow their advice for practical reasons (not having a phone number or address), then IMO it's time to back-burner this plan and get back to GAL. Hugs to you know. I can only imagine the pain of dealing with the A.
