Allen A & everyone else, Thank you for the advice. I'm so torn at what is the right way to go. As I'm sure my H is too. I know a few couples that have gone through this and managed to save their marriages.
1. LBW chased and begged at first, and then gave up, which brought her H back. The H told me it wasn't until he realized his W had given up on him, did he realize what he was losing. 2. LBH pursued and it brought his W back. This one happened to be my sister, with whom I've had lots of talks with her about my sitch. In her case, she said her H's loving texts, and talks is what brought her back. 3. My own parents went through this (unfortunately they are both passed, so can’t really get their advice). However, I do remember some of what happened (I was a teen). I think on both sides there was pursuing and detachment until they finally were both on the same page and worked it out.
I’m thinking of trying the nice girl for the next couple of weeks to see what happens. My birthday is at the end of this month, and I’m using that day as my deadline for the nice girl act. If after that, I haven’t gotten any positive or more commitment from H, then I’m going to do a 180 and detach. I haven’t ever stuck with one technique more then a couple of days, because I let my emotions and impulses take over. I’ve seen positives and negative on both nice girl and detachment with my H.
In the meantime, I’m still going to work on contacting OWH. I do have a family member working on getting this guys info for me, as she has more time then I do to work on this.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
