Start of the end..

[iwantittowork]

Thank you all for sticking with me, and offering advice.

I slept better last night, but still exhausted today.

I am assuming that in my mind there was still some hope or shred that we could still have gotten back together. I don't want that now that she has been with someone else. I don't like who she is currently, nor what she has been doing.

I realize that I am feeling still unworthy of my stbxw, and below her, and still feeling guilty for all the things I did to bring about the end to our R, and that keeps me 'stuck' I have to let go and forgive what I did, and focus on creating the best life I can.

That piece is hard to do, when I am still responsible for my stbxw financially, and it keeps me tied to her. Hard not to focus on her and what she is doing, as I am paying the bills for the house she lives in.

To help move on from that, I need to refine and refactor my life into what I want. Goals will help there.

So, I am going to try and list some short/mid term goals to come back to, and help keep me focused. This is just first pass, will probably need to refine or redefine them, and add/remove.

I'd be interested in critique/thoughts on my goals list if you have any.

Goals -
D9
- Continue to find things to do with d9, while she is here with me.
- Continue solidifying my relationship with d9, discussion of feelings, acceptance for who she is, unconditional love. Already meeting this goal!!
- Call as close to every night that I can. I am meeting this goal, and glad that I can talk to her as much as possible, if only for 5 minutes a day at this point - Already in Progress.
- Over the next few months find more groups to meet up with that have kids in mind to do things, find new friends in my new neighborhood, and new friends that d9 can connect with as well.

Fitness -
Goal - Reduce my body fat content to lowest level I can, and get into as good a physical shape as I can, or actually have ever been.
- First, acknowledge that I have done a lot here in the past year, lost 50 lbs, and gotten back to 190lbs.
- Eat healthier, and learn more about nutrition to take my fitness to a higher level.
- Exercise - Continue 2 days a week BJJ training, and possibly add the 'Strength and Condition' 1 weekly workout IN PROGRESS
-- Weight loss is not my goal, but fat loss now, and conversion to lean muscle IN PROGRESS
- Regular and scheduled dentist and doctor visits for checkups. GOAL MET LAST YEAR!!

Personal-
- Continue IC on at least bi-weekly basis. Investigate if new IC would be good fit and crossover to further personal growth
- Continue Group C weekly to increase my intimate relationship building
-- Reduce anxiety, feelings of worthlessness and work on feeling that I DO deserve great relationships with people that respect and appreciate me.

Relationships
- I know what type of women I am attracted too. Tall, athletic, blond or auburn hair.
-- Work on feelings that I do deserve relationship with the type of woman that I want in my life, and I am worthy of a good relationship.
-- Don't settle for someone or something just because they are available, and I don't want to be alone.