I enjoyed your H'a Facebook quote and I also found it irritating. The whole culture of divorce as adventure and the notion that looking back to see what could be done differently or that having second thoughts is "toxic guilt" bugs me. I think most counselors adopt the quick-fix, it's all about you perspective as well. Mine has done so at times towards me, and my H has related that his has to him as well. And this is all within the first month of going to IC.
The rush to reframing divorce as growth adventure seems to me to be suspiciously fast in most psychologists' office and self-help books. There's no way to see what can be salvaged if one doesn't stay open to that possibility for awhile. To my mind, marriages that have lasted over a decade deserve a year of serious consideration. Also, my H definitely suffers from anxiety and depression at this time, by his own admission. If I reframed singlehood as the only true "risk" and "adventure" and ran for the hills while someone was obviously not doing or feeling well, I would then have to deal with a stricken conscience later. Which is what I discussed with my IC. It doesn't make me a controller or an enabler either. I'm standing far aside as suggested and occasionally peeking out to see the [censored] hit the fan. I have no illusion I can "help" or alter the situation as it runs its course. Believe me. Maybe I did briefly in the beginning months. And I'm routinely asked for support by H. There's just nothing I can provide given the situation.
