Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[flowmom]

JG, I know how you feel about the time seeming to stretch out. It feels like a year since H moved out.

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with S1's illness. It is SO exhausting and it's really hard to be in the right frame of mind when one is so tired. Remember that your H is a father. He can leave you but he can't leave his children. He needs to be sharing the parenting load right now and you need to ask very clearly and specifically for what you need as a co-parent. Being a co-parent doesn't just mean showing up for visits. It means being there in the crises too. If he is forgetting that, it's time to remind him. My H has been great about coparenting but when there has been a coparenting issue I've brought it up right away. Ask him for what you want without saying "it's OK if you don't". If he says no, then he says no, but don't let him off the hook ("it's OK if you can't).

Let the feelings out, but do it in safe ways away from your children and H. Try to steel yourself before you see your H so that you can hide your heartbreak -- that's so that you can maintain your dignity and protect your vulnerability. I find that listening to upbeat music and concentrating more on my children helps a lot. Anything that can be practically discussed by email, I use that. It allows me to pick my words more carefully and communicate more neutrally.

(((JG))) One day at a time. Just keep saying that to yourself.