I will put it simpler... keeping in contact with him won't end the affair any sooner.
REALITY is what ends an affair. They are FANTASIES.
You showing up in the parking lot knocking on the driver door window while they are all over each other.. THAT breaks up affairs
YOU showing up in HER home telling HER husband that her irritability and distance isnt' his fault, that she's been having sex with your husband.
You telling her husband in front of her that you love your family and you would appreciate it if he kept is WIFE away from your husband.
HIM being shut out of his home, wife, and family... minimal involvement in the home he's returned to over and over again... the home he can't let go of... FACING the LOSING of that home is reality.
That's how affairs end.
I understand if you want to go a different route, all of us here can only offer our advice and you take what you want and discard what you don't... the best we cn do is post something that you may find helpful.
You are educating yourself and working very hard at this... THAT is a great sign... I have seen a lot of bitter people on here who won't take any ownership of their marital problems and who want to be needy or defensive... you are above all that and I am very impressed with your earnestness to fight this affair ... all of us here know very well how painful it is... and how rewarding.
