I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Wired]

Quart,
Im going to share something with you and I hope it sinks in. Last friday I sat on my bathroom floor with a loaded 45 on the floor next to me. I was wallowing in so much self pity and sorrow and pain that I could not take it anymore. At that time I felt the only thing I could do is just to end it to stop the pain.

I prayed and I cried till I was bent over in pain and it still seemed to the only answer. I took one final breath and thought for a second. This will not solve anything, this will tear my children apart, this will tear my mother and father and the rest of my family to pieces.

Right now you are hurting. I am hurting. GO TO YOUR DOCTOR NOW. Do not wait, go today. They can help you. Dont be afraid to hold back on things you wouldnt normally tell him/her. Let it all out. (I actually broke down in a crying fit in his office) believe it or not they can and will help. Im not sure exactly what the doc gave me, but my mind has been cleared up and the pain has been eased.

If your R is over, then so be it. Life sometimes sucks and we have to take the punches as they come in. But throwing it all away is not the answer.
I love my wife dearly, and used to say that I would lay down my life for her. But looking back I am so glad that I never had to put that to the test.

I cannot forsee the future, I cannot sit here and tell you that if you follow all the advice in these forums that things will turn out peachy. But I can tell you if you find yourself and continue on, you will get better. And who knows what may lay in wait for you tommorow? I dont know about you, but after 2 weeks of focusing on yesterday, I am starting to look forward to what happens tommorow.