Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[flowmom]

(((JG))) hope you're doing OK. It sounds like it was really rough when he moved out. My kids were too young to understand really...and they still don't consciously get it. Try to schedule time to "fall apart" away from your kids and unsafe people so that you can maintain your dignity. And let people be there for you if it's helpful.

H moving out felt so wrong to me, but I try to remember that separation gives H the opportunity to finally own his own stuff and not blame me for everything that is going wrong for him. He has work to do and I think he needed the distance of separation to do it.

Hang in there!

[January girl]

This has been a VERY tough 5 days. S1 has been sick with strep thoat and D9 has had quite a few crying jags/outbursts. Last night she was being grouchy to me in front of H and he asked her why she was being like that...she said she hated life now that he wasn't here at night. She started sobbing. He hugged her. He is acting so strange to me....one minute grumpy the next hugging me goodbye.

[Awoken]

(((JG)))

It does sound like a tough 5 days. I don't even know your D9, and it breaks my heart reading about her. I'm sure her emotions are overwhelming and confusing her. You're there for her, and you are both going to be ok.

He is acting so strange to me....one minute grumpy the next hugging me goodbye.

It's like you are dealing with three children, right?

I got some good advice today. Don't let your focus return to H. Keep it on you, your kids, and your new better life. Who knows why he does the strange things he does?

(sigh, I've typed this reply a couple of times already. Really, I just want to offer you my support. Been a rough couple of days for me too. I always appreciate your kind words, so I'm trying to return them )

[Ready2Change]

I got some good advice today. Don't let your focus return to H. Keep it on you, your kids, and your new better life. Who knows why he does the strange things he does?

Great advise.

Hang in there. It does get better.

[January girl]

It's strange to think that he has only been gone for 6 days because it seems like weeks and weeks as far as the emotions from D9/the chores/dealing with S1 being sick/my heartache and relief. This morning was really tough because since S1 hasn't slept thru the night for 3 nights I was exhausted. He has been waking up crying due to strep throat and this morning I was at my breaking point. My D9 had a snow day AND I had to take S1 to an ear specialist appointment. I stayed home with S1 yesterday to take him to our family doctor. Anyway, I texted H to ask him to take D9 to school (before I knew that she was out) and he said he'd come over if I needed him to....he just acted put out I guess. Then I texted that he didn't have to and then he called me on the phone. I was just so worn out from not sleeping that I started crying on the phone and said that I was just SO TIRED.

Right then and there I was so pissed at him for all he has put our family thru. I'm really angry having to raise our beautiful children by myslelf because he decided he wants to scr*w someone else who is his "soul mate." I'm also angry that he just quit us.

On Sunday when he stopped by to drop off some empty tubs from his moving we had small talk in the garage and I noticed that he had taken off his ring again. He did it a couple of months back but then put it back on after we talked about it. Anyway I very calmly asked him if he was done with his ring. He said "no, why?" and I said "because if you are done with it I would like it back." He said "no, I'm not." I'm sure I shouldn't have said anything but I wanted him to know that I noticed. I'm sure he had it off because he was going to see OW for a superbowl party. Just thinking about football also makes me want to puke because that is something else that he said "she and I have that in common." What he doesn't get is that she is a sneaky woman who would say she loved goat roping if that was what he loved. I know, I know stop thinking about them. He has stopped looking me in the eye when he is here. And I have decided that texting for me is much better because he cannot hear the sadness in my voice when he is reading my words on a phone. Also I think before I say things when texting.

On a positive note, I have started organizing the house better and sorting thru junk. Also I buy what I want at the grocery store which is quite refreshing for a change. D9 and I have been meal planning which is something H and I were doing before he left. I do this because it makes cooking dinner much easier when I know ahead of time what we are having.

I'm still not sleeping in the middle of the bed AND I decided to put back out our wedding picture. I put it in the drawer after the bomb because I didn't want him to think I was still madly in love with him after that sh*t. Anyway this is my bedroom now and I love that picture. I'm quite sure that I love him with all my heart but that doesn't mean we will ever be together again. THAT is a hard thing to come to grips with after 17 years.

Peace friends,
JG

[Ready2Change]

Hi sweetie,

I am sorry. I just want to let you know everything will be OK. You are a strong woman. Just keep doing your best. Some days are harder than others. Perseverance is key. Contently doing things for your kids and yourself. Focus on staying in the present.If your mind wanders to the future of the past, get right back in the moment.

HUGS

[January girl]

I am so pi$$ed off....H just called me to tell me that a friend of ours' wife is pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them as a couple but I SO WANTED TO SAY "Well, good luck to them, maybe they will stay together long enough to raise their child together unlike us because you bailed on me!!!!!!!!"


I think he was a little taken aback when I didn't gush on and on about how happy I am for them. (Since we were infertility patients for so long I used to be really really excited anytime anyone found out they were expecting.) I was very calm and simply said "well, that's good news for them." in a nice, calm tone. I mean let's face it our son is only 18 months old and my husband has been cheating on me since before he turned one. I mean WHO DOES THAT? Uggggg!


I think I am a little bit crazy today because 1.) I'm sleep deprived because of S1 and 2.) Stupid Valentine's day is Sunday and my husband doesn't love me anymore....uggggg!!! (Insert pity party here.) H is going to have the kids from afternoon on Saturday until around 2 on Sunday because I'm sure he has plans with the nasty OW. I'm not feeling very strong today. Right now, I'm hating all he has done.

I need some good words today friends...

[Awoken]

I understand these hard days JG; hang in there. Don't forget that we are here, even when we don't post. Many people are reading and thinking about you.

I am so pi$$ed off..

and you should be. Let it out here. Don't let it build up, own it and move on.

my husband doesn't love me anymore

THIS is his problem. Have no doubt: you are worthy of love, worthy of love by someone that truly appreciates you. Because of the steps you are taking now, JG, you and your kids are going to be alright, no matter the outcome in your present M.

Have you made any plans for the valentine's day weekend? I know it must be hard with a sick S1. "Stupid" valentine's day indeed! It was invented by hallmark right? Don't get me wrong, I'm a romantic, but this year I'm not looking forward to feb 14. Fortunately, I have big GAL plans for this entire weekend. Make some plans for yourself JG.

[luvless]

I'm just here to tell you..u aren't alone! I'm hating today too...

Let's not give them that power anymore.

[Ready2Change]

Hi sweetie,

(((JG)))

....Right now, I'm hating all he has done. I need some good words today friends...

Have you done any emotional release work? I need to do more of it, but I believe it is very healthy. If you get some alone time, sit and write a letter that you do not send, but later burn. The important part is feeling the feelings, and then releasing them. Start with anger,then sadness, then fear, then regret then love.

Here is mine:

MsR2C,When you continually bad mouth me to our kids, I feel extremely angry. I am sad that you express your anger in this way. I fear that this kind of behavior harms our kids. I regret that we are not able to communicate effectively. I love our kids and only want what is best for them.