Yup its definitely a high stress day on a lot of fronts, including work. I just got a call from my sister-in-law - my wife's sister, and she was crying. She just got off the phone with my W and my W told her she's cutting her out of her life, accusing her of poisoning my kids against my wife, and that she is a negative influence, and she is only surrounding herself with positive people who are supporting "her happiness". W is really going over the edge.........crazy stuff.......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom, I hate that you are moving out of the house but each sitch is different. I was so angry, I kicked my wife out but after she was gone about a week it got easier, hard to believe but it was true. Not to say I did not have my moments but it was definitely better.
I am not surprised about comment she made to her sister either. My W did the exact same thing with family and friends that told her she was messing up, eventually and to this day my W has completely cut out my D13. Her own children!!!, but my D13 is not afraid to stick to her guns with her mom. One day my W is going to have to face my D13 and it will be a day of reckoning.
Your wife is the most selfish being on the planet right now, it is ALL about her and the hell with everyone else, especially you. All I can say is get out of the way and protect your children.
Try, try, try to focus on YOU, Sandi is sooooo right here. Your W's MLC is about her and how you deal with it is about YOU. You deal with it by becoming a better you....problems at work conquer them, get a new job, go for the promotion. Don't like the way you look, change it, get in shape, buy new clothes, do stuff for you and take pride in being the stable parent. Be the best father in the world, be their ROCK. Whatever you do, don't stand still (advice from a another wise Dber) do something!!! You will rise above this and be a better person for it.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Thanks for the encouragement. Feel better today - Leg Sep paper signing is tomorrow morning - but I've accepted it is what it is and I will treat it as another obstacle that I will continue to fight the good fight against. Moving out is tough, but there are a few things in my sitch which make it necessary. I will be a mile away - have no restrictions on visiting my daughters - so I will make it work and focus on spending time with them as much as possible. Started exercising and it does feel great. As soon as weather breaks, I plan to add jogging/running into it. One quick thing I might pass on to all of you - I am reading a lot more since this all happened and am currently reading a book called Deep Survival. Its about people who have survived accidents, etc., but really points out the human qualities that all survivors (survivors of seperation and divorce too!!) exhibit and use to get thru difficult situations. I am finding strength and wisdom in these - so maybe you all will too. Some fit right into the 180 and DB strategy:
1 - Percieve, believe and accept your situation 2 - Stay calm 3 - Think, analyze, plan 4 - Take correct decisive action 5 - Celebrate your successes - however small they might be 6 - Count your blessings - you have lived to fight another day 7 - Play - relax and exercise your mind and body 8 - See the beauty in your situation and in the world around you 9 - Believe that you will succeed 10 - Surrender - let go of fear and pain 11 - Do whatever is necessary 12 - NEVER GIVE UP
(I laugh at #12 - makes me think of Pirates of the Carribean - but it is in the DBing strategy too.......)
Later.......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Missherlove - BTW - that is unbelievable how your daughter is being treated as well. You are absolutely correct about being a ROCK for yourself and for her. Its hard - power to you and find the courage...... like it says above - NEVER GIVE UP. Later
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Confusedwife - Have those 12 bullets and the Marillion words I posted above hanging in my cubicle at work - staring right into my eyes about 12 inches away. For me - its amazing how uplifting and motivating it is. Glad to hear they strike a nerve with you too. We all need to find all these little things that help to fuel our fight........ Hope all is well with you. Hang tough.......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom, You are sounding good today, hope you have a great day. I too am waiting for the warmer weather to break so I can get outside more. With you on NEVER GIVING UP!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Yup - have a good vibe about things today - despite fact that tomorrow will be the worst day of my life, and no matter how hard I try - I will be feeling terrible at the lawyers office - I will win an Oscar if I can mask my disappointment. Will try like hell to keep it business like and not to appear too distraught. Question I am curious to throw out there - when I am out in an apartment in a week or so, how should I balance being back at the house with my daughters and keeping distance from W - good possibility I will be there every day to see my daughters - guess just remain somewhat aloof from W - find other activities with daughters outside house (hard right now), maybe reserve some nights, etc for my activities - one night for my support group as it is right now.
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom-have you and your W talked about a schedule for seeing the girls? That is nice that you will be able to see them at the house. "Act as if" and make sure she sees how much fun you and the D's are having together! Maybe she will want to join in the fun eventually!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
