Don't mean to rain on your parade here, but this is one messed up relationship.
There is nothing NORMAL about two married people, even in crisis, involving themselves with others to "explore" their needs.
To me, this is all bullshit for "I wanna do another person."
Pardon my frankness, but I now have to side with the more hardcore gentlemen who've written you, and tell you that if you continue to allow her to carry on this relationship from your home...and ESPECIALLY if you allow her to travel to actually do the deed with her erotica partner....you are an idiot.
You surely cannot be so out of touch with reality that you actually think any of this is positive?
I will reiterate what I told you earlier.
If your wife is unable or unwilling to stop with her new friend, it is time for her leave.
Period.
Anything else, no matter how you spin it, makes you the whimpiest and lamest of all men. And rest assured, if you tolerate her continuing to act out her fantasies with this man, you will likely NEVER get her back.
Odd that I am now the one telling you that you need to reach down and make sure you can grab a pair...
Blessings.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
