Maybe instead of asking him to do the painting, ask him if he wants to share the cost of getting it done, or do it together. This gives an opportunity for you to show off the improving you. It also gives him the opportunity to decide how connected he wants to be now. Esp. with V day coming up.
Hi, I've never commented on your thread, but just caught up quickly and all I can say is that as scary as it is to think of living alone, if you really want to make this marriage work, then sometimes it is necessary. If your H isn't in the place you want him to be yet, distance may very well put him there. I come from an experience where H left for two and half months. Not very long compared to some others on this site, but let me tell you how many wonders it did for our marriage. Had we not separated, we would not be where we are today. It really can do wonders for you. And if it doesn't that's okay too. Because regardless, you will learn alot about yourself as well. Which can help you in the future, with or without your H. Keep your head up. You sound like you are in a good place!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
TTA, I agree with Talia. Do the painting yourself. It's incredibly empowering to do home improvement projects. You can look at the end results & know that you did it by yourself. Next thing you know you'll be getting your own tools & becoming a real Ms. Fixit.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
thanks for all the good advice, everyone! my H texted today just to make sure i was ok in the snow and he said thanks for listening to me yesterday, and that he was going to look for a counselor/therapist to talk to. i don't know what it means that he keeps reaching out to me, but i'm trying to stop mind reading and just keep focusing on myself.
the snow is really coming down, and i'm looking at my third day in a row of being off work due to the weather. forced myself down to the gym today and then made myself a nice dinner...cooking for myself is something i haven't done in a while but it sure beats frozen dinners or take out. not sure what to do with myself tomorrow, but hopefully i'll start on an art project i've been putting off forever.
sometimes i just want to call him, yell ENOUGH WITH THIS DRAMA!! and tell him to just get back here.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
it does feel good to exercise, and since i'm pretty much stuck inside all day because of the blizzard, i think i'll hit the gym again today. i can only hope i'm heading towards being happier and stronger. sometimes i feel like, yes, i can do this! other times i backslide and cry into my pillow that i just want my H to come home. i know everyone goes through that.
deep down i KNOW that no matter what happens with my H and i that i will survive, i will become stronger, happier and closer to my faith because of all of this. but getting to that deep down place and REALLY letting go of the fear and anxiety and sadness is the hard part!
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
sigh. it also doesn't help that my H is texting me saying things like, i wish i was there (at our apartment) with you (and the dog) - everyone is snowed in today and he's at his place alone. so i know part of that is just him being lonely, but why would he say things like that to me when it was HIS IDEA for him to move out in the first place? he WOULD be here with us if he hadn't decided that separating was best for us and moved out!!!
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
UGH- I know that's tough. Think of it as him casting out lines to twist you again. I would literally kill for my WAW to text me something like that. Not gonna happen, so I make my own happiness. You are strong and you have grown. He is the one who is confused...do not comfort him or say "me too- or I miss you."
It is clear that moving hasn't disconnected him - that's probably a good thing in the long run. He might be just lamenting old memories. He might also be expressing a new found/remembered love.
I wouldn't worry about responding or not. If you feel like doing it, why not? Would it hurt you or him to reply?
