i basically said that and she said i was supposed to protect her.
When she is in a committed, faithful relationship with you as husband-and-wife, YES, your job is to protect her. Heaven HELP a man who says something to my wife NOW, about her infidelity, now that she chose to do the right thing and end it and fight for her family. But WHILE they are cheating? . . . Unh-uh. Not yer job, man. In fact, I'd maintain that it's your job precisely NOT to. Just as we let our kids, often to our own pain, learn to feel the consequences of their actions so that they can LEARN from them, I think we too are to let our wayward spouses feel the consequences of their adultery.
I had a very wise mentor on this forum, and he used to say "Never shelter an infidel from the consequences of their infidelity."
It's been a couple days, mostly calm. W is out of town for the rest of the week. Not in the town with OM, but i will be alerted if he is in the same town.
W feels "miserable" in my home. I ask her why and she says that i'm telling friends what's going on and that her rep will be ruined. She is much more worried about what others think about her than how she treats me.
i ask her moving forward what would make her feel less miserable. she states that she does not trust that i'm not looking at her email and phone etc. I say that i'm done with that(which i am) i proved what i thought and i don't need to see any more. she feels trapped and wants to get another place. i say go ahead, but our kids will be with me 1/2 of the time and it will do you no good to not trust me. i think she understands that, but is very unforgiving. i told her that i choose to believe her that she is not contacting OM, if she chooses to lie to me again i will eventually find out without looking. W says you don't have to worry about OM she has terminated contact. I will give her this rope and see if she hangs herself.
i have GAL her all weekend. went out with friends, and she said "seems like your having fun" i said "yep." she wanted to make sure i was following the boundaries i set, i am. i'm sure that doing the laundry and cleaning the house and doing dishes is starting to wear a bit on her.
she has talked about selling the house, but i would rather stay in it. so i'm talking with the mortgage company today to see if i can take her name off of the mortgage and deed. when should i share that info with her?
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
you can't take her name off the deed unless she agrees to it. She will have to quit claim it to you, legal stuff. Not sure on the mortgage portion, but leave her on it. That way if you default or bankrupt, they could still go after her as well. You need to talk to a lawyer.
i made calls about it today. i have a couple good moving forward options. we have virtually no equity in the house and i am the primary on the mortgage so i just need her signature and fill out some paperwork.
how/when should i present this to her?
she wants D to come a quickly as possible and this might throw her off if i start pressing on the gas as well.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
It is tough b/c it seems WAW are so sure of what they want. It makes everything more difficult on LBS. It seems like some good things have happened, your GAL-ing is working for you, she also sounds like she may be a bit depressed- maybe just how I'm reading things. Keep doing what you're doing, getting your affairs in order- confident competent and independant
W has always had issues with depression. her grandfather is extremely depressed, and dying and is just mean and grumpy with just about everyone. her father is surly and fights depression as well.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
