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[Dane]

Tell us the "wink" story. Always like stories.

[OnceBurdened]

Did I ever tell you my "wink" story??

No you haven't, Please Do.

[luvless]

They own a biz together, fairly successful, she said she did get D Papers drawn up and slapped him in the a$$ with them.

She talks like a sailor. She said " And after Friday when( my W) called our D17 ripped him a new one, his S9 punched him in the gut, Secretary called him a piece of sh*t and I handed him D papers. All that Knocked his d*ck in the dirt he cried all weekend - I loved it!"

Love this! finally some pay back!

[OnceBurdened]

W and I had a heated discussion about some of our expectations moving forward. Last few days she has been real stand offish and I wanted to know why.

Kinda like she went from trying to noticebly not and we discussed it. During which I asked her if the attorney had been fired?

She said she hadn't fired him and didn't think at this point she needed to. There was more to work out between us, we had farther to go before that needed to happen.

I disagree - to me that is hanging over MY head. I told her so.
My view is her atty should be fired to show committment by her to resolving this.

As I told her " Actions speak louder than words"

What do y'all think?

[OnceBurdened]

Pup, Rob, Gno, -

Any y'all think atty should've been fired by now?

[robx]

I think pressuring her is going to cause her to waffle on what she is doing.

Lower your expectations.

You can't force someone to be with you.
You can't force someone to do what you ask.
Let them be and them be comfortable enough and secure in your presence to do the right thing, if you present yourself as the best husband that possibly exists and she still wants out, then you can't do to much about that.

Hold on to your lawyer, stop pressuring her.

Aside from the lawyer issue,
is she working at being consistent, is she earning your trust?
What are your day to day interactions like?

[Gardener]

Hijack:
robx, Please go visit Gypsy @ Surviving.

[OnceBurdened]

I think pressuring her is going to cause her to waffle on what she is doing.

Lower your expectations.

Ok -thought about that also, maybe patience needs to be exercised.

Aside from the lawyer issue,
is she working at being consistent, is she earning your trust?
What are your day to day interactions like?

She is trying, the trust thing has been a problem and when it is, I address it. She has for the most part been very forthcoming with explanations and extra effort to remove the fear she is up to something.

Daily interaction is up and down. Still push pull as for what I expect and what i get but I guess I just need to lower the expectation!

[Gnosis]

Daily interaction is up and down. Still push pull as for what I expect and what i get but I guess I just need to lower the expectation!

As much as it sucks OB your guess is the right one. I can't remember if I told you or not that she needs to grieve the loss of her fantasy and OM. It sucks I know.

I asked Sandi to explain to Dale in his thread what his W would be going through. This is a link to Sandi's post. It would be worth your while to read it with an open mind.

Her moods are going to be erratic. The important thing here is that she is trying. Your next step is patience. Insight into what she is going through can and will assist you with empathy. I'm still towing the "Trust but Verify" and "Be wary" line and that won't go away for a while. That doesn't mean that you can't move forward to.

[OnceBurdened]

Thanks G,

After reading Sandi's post I noticed a couple of things that shed some light and I need help with-

So when she gets mad, or if she pouts and says you can’t forgive her, you may think about telling her that right now you are not putting as much thought into forgiving as you are wondering if she will repeat her behavior. You don’t accuse her, but if she says you can’t trust her……just look at her. That’s all.

I've been saying something along the lines of - "It isn't my fault there are trust issues in our M"

Sandi's is ALOT better in my opinion. Has more of a DART to it.

BTW, just a word about validating. Some people have the idea that you have to “agree” with everything that is said, but you don’t. You listen, and you may nod your head (if you can agree), but if you don’t agree with what she says, you simply say, “It’s too bad you feel that way”. Sometimes the less said--the better. It worked for you when you didn’t respond right away to her, didn’t it?

See this is STILL where I get in Trouble. She will not allow an "OK" or a nod of the head or I will talk about it later. It is troubled water when we get to this validating. Mainly because she will not allow me to not talk about it.

AND - I've warned her that this behavior has to stop. She has to respect my space.

I would suggest you do not have any make-up sex.

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