nickblondiew, Your welcome, anything I can do to help. When I think about what happened to me with my first H, it's like I'm thinking of someone elses life. The funny thing, I actually went back to him after I caught him in bed with the 2 woman. However, it didn't last long at all, maybe 6 months.
You will be happy again. Hang in there, and I hope your son is better. Oh, my son was the same age as your son is now when all that happened. Luckly he doesn't remember any of it.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
THat is how it seems for me too.......this doesn't seem real, even though I know it is. He wasn't capable of doing these things, what the H*LL happened to him? Yeah I ask myself all those things all the time too.
I'm sorry you had to go through that pain with your first...sounds awful!
You have no idea how encouraging it was to hear you say that I will love again and someone will love me. Because ...it's hard to believe or see right now.
My son, unfortunately remembers and knows too much
I still cannot believe the woman he is messing with ....now... UNREAL.
Meth user, 4-5x felon, 3-terroristic threats, and false imprionment.
It is literally hard to grip. Who the heck is this man now? I'm not over it. This will take some time.
I text him about 20 minutes ago and said I will be dropping off hte list of bills you are now responsible for, separating accounts etc. He said when? I said today, don't worry if your felon girlfriend is there I won't break up the cheating again.
I realize how bitter and angry that sounds but it's how I feel. Why hide it?
nik, My heart goes out to you and your son. I know you are in disbelief and pain but try to focus on something else, anything.
If I can make a suggestion, I know it is hard but you should try not to have any contact at all with him even texting. Send him the bills with a post-it note on each one stating "yours now", go ahead and make up some big envelopes that are already stamped and ready to go. As the mail comes in pop it in the envelope and DONE you don't think about it anymore. Only pay the essentials that you have to pay, power, water, gas, rent/mortgage, that's it...if it has his name on it, its his.
It is okay to be angry, bitter, and hurt and you NEED to experience those emotions, they are yours and you are right to FEEL them. Try not to become your emotions by letting your emotions dictate your actions or words. We tend to regret what we do or say later no matter how "right" you are. Try to release that negative energy elsewhere, exercise, punch a pillow, go out in the car turn on the radio and scream....get it out however you can but probably want to stay away from him and have no contact while you are EXPERIENCING your emotions.
You will get through this and it will get better and you are right, it will take time.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I wouldn't hide it. But my mouth...errrr...texts tend to get me in trouble at times!!!
I agree w/ Miss...go as dark as you can. For your own peace of mind. Its easier said than done, but in the long run, it does help when it is not constantly thrown in your face.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
nikblondiew I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I have read enough to know that your H and mine are very similar. I've come to realize that all the old cliches that I always thought were just old cliches are actually very true.
"You have to love yourself, before you can love someone else"
This says it all for me. Your H, my H, BBJ's H... they do not love themselves. Quite honestly they most likely loathe themselves and therefore are incapable of loving us.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Absolutely crazy situation. Not sure I am qualified to really comment but I will certainly offer my support where needed.
Quote:
Meth user, 4-5x felon, 3-terroristic threats, and false imprionment.
Your H would have been hard pressed to find a more disfunctional individual.
Hang in there I know I have gotten a little better each and everyday even being on this seemingly endless rollercoaster ride.
M48/W47 M15/T22 S3 D3 In House Separation 10/06/09 W files for D 10/16/09 OM1 discovered 10/28/09 (PA) OM2 in mix early Jan. W moved out 1/26/10 In Mediation (Settlement in prep)
Well that is where I struggle....you're giving up your wife for this woman? I don't mean anyone is better than the next individual but certainly it doesn't seem apples to apples here. That is hard to swallow for me. Not to mention my loyalty and devotion to him, his sobriety, our marriage, our family. But he has said he likes her because he feels better about his life...he feels needed. WOW I know, I know! Once she goes to prison in a few months he will just find someone else to leech on to.
