I can answer you question on suicidal thoughts based on my experience.
I found that when I was particularly stressed, the thought would pop into my head. Even now, it still does once in a blue moon. I think it's just an escape fantasy. Having ended up in the hospital and being miserable for 72 hours is a great motivation to never go down that path again.
As my life improved, I had the thought less and less.
As I gained trust in myself, I had the thought less and less.
For me, the meds helped me level out. The lows didn't prevent me from functioning the way they had before.
I was very bad off before I started taking the meds...wouldn't even go in to work somedays.
I needed the meds to become strong enough to function again, but it didn't take away the pain. Just look at my past threads and you can see! And I was on 125 mcg or 150 mcg, I forget which! For me, the meds helped me face my fear. The fear was still there, but it didn't cause me to freeze in panic.
I agree, take your questions to your doc and have a sit down.
I hope that helps. This is still a source of shame for me...and raw hurt, so I'm not sure that I'm writing with clarity...
