Yeah, I know Gardener. I know she's gone. I think I just need to convince my heart of that. And I will. With time.
I don't know...maybe you should stop trying to convince your heart for a while and allow some time for your heart to convince you.
Oh, and p.s., your bathroom scene with towel last night was identical to my kitchen scene with dishtowel upon returning home after D this morning.
I know exactly how you feel and what it's like and how very, very down deep it comes from.
Thanks buddy. I know you know how I feel. Sometimes, it just helps knowing someone else knows what you are going through.
Can't sleep. I will give myself a break from this madness for a while. Still have to keep pushing for an early, and as inexpensive as possible, resolution.
After thinking about the discussion I had last night with stbxw about mediation, I have an observation or two.
Stbxw has not planned any of the details of what her post-D life will look like. She has looked at townhomes in the same school district we are in now, but that's about it.
I shouldn't be surprised, and in a way, I am glad she hasn't looked at the details. Now, she must face the brutal reality of what post-D life will likely look like.
But this also underscores the lack of thought and the outright emotion that is driving this decision. I know I can't fix her or even persuade her, but it all seems so avaoidable. So, surmountable. And, that must be the critical difference b/w she and I: I want it to work, and know it can, but she doesn't.
Stbxw has also returned to the counselor she saw 6 months before she ever told me there was a problem. Based on what stbxw has told me about her prior counseling, this counselor is basically just giving her the green light to divorce me. Both of the C's I have had remarked at how wrong it was that stbxw's C did not try to involve me early on.
And, yesterday, when I got home early, phone rings and I piick it up. It is one of stbxw's friends who is D'ing her H and is in a flagrant PA. Toxic is the best word to describe this person. Stbxw is surrounding herself with people who "validate" her decision and not those who challenge or questions her. I understand why, but it is so sad.
Same thing here- it's terrible. But I guess I would do the same thing. I currently distance myself from people suggesting divorce.
My W is friends w/ a D attorney, MIL is w/ her she's been widowed and D- terrible marriages, new OM is divorced, and the rest of her friends are pretty much single. Two of them are exceptions, both had troubled M's and worked it out.
But of course W doesn't wasnt to hear it from them- she's sold them all on how terrible I am and how unhappy she's been.
I shouldn't be surprised, and in a way, I am glad she hasn't looked at the details. Now, she must face the brutal reality of what post-D life will likely look like.
She's not sure this is what she wants. Keep doing what you are doing but let her know she has the option to stop this at anytime. Load up on the truth darts and use them surgically.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
but it all seems so avoidable. So, surmountable. And, that must be the critical difference b/w she and I: I want it to work, and know it can, but she doesn't.
Yes. That's the critical difference; it's why we must move on.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
What's the best way to let WAS know she has the option to stop this at anytime?
the best way IDK......
I said something like this, the best I remember.
"Since you filed for D, I now have a gun pointed at my head. So to protect myself I have hired a gun to protect myself. If you continue down this path I will fight it every step of the way to protect myself and keep my family intact. You can do whatever you want but I want to be clear that this is your decision to end our marriage and tear our family apart. Since you started the lawsuit then you have the ability to stop it at any time."
You have to say it with conviction and under control, then pull the hood up on the spew raincoat.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
