Trent, Follow the advice of Kerry and others. Tough love is in order, at least with no kids, the entaglement is less. Be strong and stand up for your self to get your dignity and respect back
So sorry to hear about your circumstances. I for one went on here everyday mostly to hear your advice. So i agree with Mindfull. You are truly one of the best on here. Pretend for a moment that this was my situation. What would you say to me? Type it out as if you're answering to my thread. You will then know its from your own heart and what you truly believe in yourself.
I feel when someone starts lying about medical problems, there is a serious problem within themselves. Little white lies can be harmless here and there, but now its not harmless anymore. She is toying with the well being of herself and you as well. Not cool. Be proud of who you are and how you have been in this situation. Many people could only hope to have 1/10 of the strength you have. You will get through this, stay strong.
I think its time to do some serious business. This is definitely not healthy anymore. I realize you want your M to work. Believe me...I get that. I was willing to put my life happiness aside for it. But I finally realized that's insane. I think you know what you need to do. You of all people definitely know what needs to happen now. And I know you have the strength to do it. I admire that about you.
Once again, my thoughts and prayers are with you..I will be thinking about you.
Britt
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
When she found my text messages Monday afternoon (I texted her about the Dr. appointment), she started calling me. She called about 15 times; I let them go to voice mail. She texted me; I didn't read it. Then she (presumably) got on the plane, because all communication stopped.
When she got home, I wasn't there. I had planned to spend a couple of days away from the house to give her time to stew. She told me that she spent most of the plane ride home and the trip back to the house crying.
She sent me an email Monday night. In it she admitted that she spent the weekend with the OM. She claims she was going to fly out standby to visit her brother in Arizona, but she changed her mind and stayed with him instead. She said she was going to tell me when she got home, but given that I found out on my own, there's no way to prove that. She said that she felt it was a mistake, and that she wanted to work on things with me.
She said she knows that I can't and shouldn't trust her. I agreed, but I told her that we both have trust issues to overcome.
As for the call from the doctor, she was as shocked as I was. She didn't get the diagnosis from the doctor, only his medical assistant; she either misunderstood what she was told or was told something incorrect. When I left my message, she called the doctor and got the same story I did.
I was hoping that she would go with me to MC last night, but she did not. That's OK; we talked about codependency -- both mine and hers, but mostly mine. The MC actually used the term "codependent as hell" to describe the two of us.
She agreed to go to Retrouvaille with me this weekend, and called to confirm on Tuesday. So keep good thoughts out for us this weekend.
The past day or two have been kinda quiet. I've had GAL stuff to do -- mostly counseling -- but I will be home tonight, and we're off to the retreat tomorrow night. At the advice of the DB coach and my therapist, I've been giving her space to think and making it clear that I was doing the same thing. I slept really well the past couple of nights -- I don't think I woke up once all night.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
(Warning, ad-supported service; if the mods feel this is unacceptable, I can find another way to host it.)
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Good luck at Retro. It is a lovely quaint town. Keep in mind that it is not a retreat or marriage counseling. It is forward looking without digging up the past. I hear it can be quite emotional, so be prepared for tears. Go with no high hopes of miracles or expectations. Keep an open mind.
You may need additional answers to her recent deceptions, but now is not the time to pry further.
I got a laugh out of what your MC said - "codependent as hell"!
