There were times in the beginning of all this that I felt like everything I did was a mistake that was the "final straw" and I would be "served" at any moment. That feeling will pass. Look out for yourself and your kids and know that you will be able to handle whatever happens.
If he doesn't give you the accounts, IMO just give him the money and let it go.
Like yours my H has an avoidant personality. It is it's own brand of wierd to deal with.
He may never realize that he was more than a paycheck. Sometimes you get little chances to say things to let them know though. You just have to watch closely.
