Yesterday it was a quiet-pleasing day together after a long long time. Especially for me. Because I managed to stop all sorts of thoughts from ruining my mood and didnt talk R but most importantly didnt WANT to talk about our R which was what made the difference. Usually we dont talk about our M but I am constantly thinking of what I would want to tell him...
I came home and found him there. He fixed the sink although he cant do handyman jobs around the house and I made sure I expressed many times how pleased I was my cabinet wasnt "moist" anymore, he had done the stduying with the kids, took and picked up my son from his English lessons, fed them, etc etc.
I cooked an apple cake with my D and niece (which turned out great!), his father came for a visit and he asked me to give his dad some of it to take it home with him, he gave my son a bath and we all spent a few minutes in my D's bed before they fell asleep. My kids were so excited and happy.
I gave him a lil kiss on the lips and he was warm and accepting but probably a bit shocked. Late at night after I went to bed I came back up in the living room to ask him something about a voice recording machine I want and I saw him panicking that I would be coming for a "a talk". I asked him what I wanted, went back to bed with a smile and snuggled with him this morning.
It wasnt very difficult to keep ME positive thru the day. You have to understand that the last memories of almost 8-9 months of us being in the house are of walking on eggshels and before that only of sicknesses and deaths. We need a new routine.
I could tell he felt good about himself last night. Like he was there, did what a father does, and was accepted like a father is.
And I felt good because I wasnt the source of his stress yesterday.
flo, I do enjoy AOS. I always did little and big things for him. Sometimes, too many to the point he considered my taking on his responsibilities as acts of love and when I didnt, indifference.
I am careful not to do that, not to manipulate or control him but offer little gestures that can only be explained as acts of love.
I need to stay positive and control my resentment. I want to be a loving and understanding person. My kids respond so well to me when I keep that in mind. My mom does too. My two indicators of "good behaviour"... H needs time to accpet this is who I am. I am not who he is AFRAID I am... K
PS BTW, he never mentioned anything about the password, I didnt either. And no, I didnt find enything except he has kept 3 emails of hers regarding work from last June. She had forwarded some links about football and has kept those links. Didnt bother me at all.
