hey, that's really great that you got the room all cleaned up, I love that! I really wonder what was going in that head of his! and so funny about your S's statement
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I am trying to build an support system in here and need as much good advice as I can get.
In addition, if you know of any way to tell 25yearsmlc that I would love to here from her on my thread, it would mean so much. She was a great source of help for me about 8months ago. I unfortunately lost internent access and lost contact.
hey, that's really great that you got the room all cleaned up, I love that! I really wonder what was going in that head of his! and so funny about your S's statement
I think he wonders what we are doing and why we are so distant but doesn't care enough to change. Since he has been back with MGF he really has fallen off the radar. Something about her or not being alone satisfies him. I can also bet that he is drinking alot more, even during the week after work. He definatley was a binge drinker on the weekends, but really had to fight it hard during the week...MGF doesn't care so he is probably doing it. Who cares!
Movies tonight! Looks like we are seeing Dear John.
Ok. Off to get some studying done before baby and kids wake up.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I am trying to build an support system in here and need as much good advice as I can get.
In addition, if you know of any way to tell 25yearsmlc that I would love to here from her on my thread, it would mean so much. She was a great source of help for me about 8months ago. I unfortunately lost internent access and lost contact.
Thank you
found you WOM, and answered on your thread.... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
He came for 15 minutes. I was pleasant and cheery and VERY busy when he came.
He said he had to leave because he had to run his older girls around. He then asked if he could come tomorrow. Thankfully we are very busy tomorrow. I told him that Tuesdays and Thursdays are very busy for us because I don't plan anything MWF because those are his days and that is important.
Its not my problem that he cannot tell his other kids no or wait a few minutes I am with baby for a bit. Why is it that baby's time comes second to his other kids and their schedules yet I am supposed to drop everything for that?
Not happening. He could make the other days that he doesn't have his other kids.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Ok, I think I need to reword my post above. It may have come across selfish..LOL
I get that exh has other kids..so do I. But if my kids need me to do something on MWF or Saturday mornings during exh's time I tell them I can't because its his visit time. I don't call exh and tell him my other kids come first sorry hes outta luck. His other kids are 15 and 13...not like they cannot stay alone for an hour.
This schedule was also one that exh and I came up with during mediation. He chose it as well.
I guess I would be a bit more forgiving if he would be more consistent on Fridays, Saturdays, and Mondays when he doesn't have his other kids and just blows off baby for other lame reasons.
So I just needed to make sure I wasn't coming across like baby was more important than his other kids..
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
No apologies necessary. And I still think you need to be more firm regarding his visits. Don't tell him he can't visit because you are busy, because you schedule activities for T/TH. Simply state that his visit days are MWF, so he can visit on those days. Period, no explanations or apologies.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I get that exh has other kids..so do I. But if my kids need me to do something on MWF or Saturday mornings during exh's time I tell them I can't because its his visit time. I don't call exh and tell him my other kids come first sorry hes outta luck. His other kids are 15 and 13...not like they cannot stay alone for an hour.
not selfish at all.
Quote:
I told him that Tuesdays and Thursdays are very busy for us because I don't plan anything MWF because those are his days and that is important.
I love that you said this, that was really good. I am upset that I didn't think of that!!! wow!
So what percentage of the time do you think he is cancelling or cutting short due to his other kids? If it is a lot, and if he still continues to do this, then maybe you should tell him what you said above, about telling your kids that you are unavailable because it is H's time. I would say to use action on this one and just NOT be available, but that would be bad and look like your keeping her away. So, I can't think of anything else creative for you to do so he'll quit this nonsense.
But, I will like to see what happens next after you told him you keep your MWF open for his time.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
So what percentage of the time do you think he is cancelling or cutting short due to his other kids?
I would say not even half of his excuses have to do with other kids. Never know if exh is telling the truth, which is probably never. Mondays and Saturdays he doesn't have them and just has other things going on. Oh well...not my problem.
Lately I am feeling more and more disgusted with myself for how I was so initally attracted to this man and now see the big master plan he had. He thought life would be simpler $$ wise and I did everything for him and his kids..never complained about his issues. I can clearly see it was never about love or commitment for exh. It really sucks.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I went to MOPS today. Always fun. Seems like every MOPS day exh seems to call and ask me questions like when are we leaving for MOPS etc. I wondered why..just thought he was being nosey. Now I know why!!! I had to get to MOPS early today for something. As I was pulling in I saw MGF getting out of her car with her son and went to one of the classrooms (MOPS is held at a church/preschool). MOPS starts 30 minutes later than the start time of preschool. MGF didn't see me. Exh must have a heart attack every time its MOPS day as the potential of MGF and I running into eachother. HAHA~!
But I did find out of an opportunity today that may be good for me if I can let go of the fear I have. They offer this Mom's Day Out every Monday and Tuesday at this church/preschool. Its $10 for 3 hours and the ladies that do it are wonderful. I thought one day a week I can leave baby there and come home and get some studying done. Great! My fear is running into MGF and her noticiing I leave baby there and telling exh. I just don't want him knowing when/if I leave her. Stupid fear I know. I signed baby up for the next Monday.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
