Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Ok - the oddness continues. The difference is I simply don't care right now which is good I think. First of all, W doesn't come home in time for swim lessons...again. Didn't bother me at all, just continued my routine. At one point, W TMs me asking if I am home. I reply with a simple yes, no explanation that we are leaving for swimming, didn't ask her when she was coming home. Turned out all the lights inside and out of the house and took the girls.

Get back from swimming and W looks dejected, but dinner is all made and waiting. I think she is waiting for me to say something or ask a question. I give the DB approved smile and Hi and nothing more; W immediately says "I forgot it was swim lesson night"...I ignore, make sure no body language, no facial expression, no mad look, no words.

After kids go to bed, W goes to basement gets her computer and brings it into the living room where I am watching some TV, reading a little. No hiding something tonight. That's different. Normally it is either no computer at all, or if on the computer, on it alone in a different room.

Later she asks me when is the kids Spring break. I tell her, don't ask why she wants to know. Go back to what I was doing on my laptop. Then W says I am thinking about going to visit my dad for a couple of days. I can't tell if she means all of us or just her, but I don't ask questions. Basically the book she just read (I read it too) impacted her and she wants to visit with her dad for a couple of days (no he doesn't live near OM, but yes that has crossed my mind). So I asked what days during spring break. She says she wants to deconflict with spring break b/c I had mentioned all of us going skiing again...next shock, b/c she literally frowned at the idea when I suggested that a few days ago. Then she says and this is a quote "we certainly won't drive that far south to visit my dad when we leave here this summer"...I made sure no reaction, and just agreed with her.

So - she might be throwing crumbs again, tonight I don't care. I have to learn to make myself happy again, I'm tired of so many "bad days" and I'm sick of caring about what she is thinking. I'm numb tonight...and numb is better than sad, angry, or suspicious. I have spoken very little to her tonight...odd b/c we've been in the same room together a majority of the night.

The dog hasn't been mentioned tonight. I talked to daughter a little about it, but that's been it. Nothing from W. And I couldn't help myself with one devious comment. D8 had field trip today and caught 5 fish...most in her class..I said something about not believing D8 when she sent me the text about her fishing adventures being pretty confident D8 hadn't shared this with W today.