OP - You're right, it's not fair, but nothing about this has been fair. S26 is the only child in position or has the interest at this time to be able to take over half the farm. H in his haste to be rid of me and what he feels are his burdens that this is the only way to go about it, and let us keep the place. So, while he is not being fair to the rest of the kids, he is 'giving' up his half of the property so we all can remain here. I guess it could be worse. He could force the sale of the place to get his half.
A divorce isn't automatically granted at the end of one year is it? Doesn't that have to be filed and paid for separately?
Snodderly- In reading your posts to other folks on depression, I guess I should give up any glimmer of hope that H would ever return. I admit that I do not know much about H's childhood, said he didn't remember when asked, I do know this. When he was 9 years old his dad died suddenly when his appendix burst. His dad was recovering nicely from the surgery when the hospital put a pneumonia patient in the same room. H's dad caught pneumonia and died. H's father was the love of his mother's life. (She had been married for a short time once before to an abusive man) H's mom withdrew from her 2 sons for a while. H has an older brother. H once told me that if it hadn't been for him and his brother that his mom would have joined his dad. I don't know as if she ever fully recovered from losing his dad. H's mom had to go out and find work to support them. I do know that she was very overprotective of her sons. She would not let H play sports in HS for the fear of him being hurt. She would not even let him carry a pocket knife until he returned from the Army. I believe that's why H enlisted so that he could be free of the sheltering. From what I knew of H's mom she was a wonderful lady and I loved her. I know she didn't like H's first wife, but I do believe that she liked me. She didn't call on H often and never interfered with our marriage, but he was always there for her whenever she needed him, and I know H loved her very much. We lost her about 24 years ago due to a heart attack.
Since there is no chance of H ever going back to talk to his mom and with an extreme avoidant personality (I couldn't get him to see a MD much less a C)I guess I'm destined to live w/o my H.
H once told me that you can not expect another person to make you happy, that it has to come within. H ran because he was unhappy, and blamed it all on me. I don't think by his actions that he is any happier where he is now. He told me in the beginning of this that he hadn't realized up until 2 months before bomb just how unhappy he was, he'd just had no reason to leave before he re-met OW. I know that he has a hard time looking around here when he visits. S26, dil, and S23, and I, are doing a lot of renovating on our old place. H would go in spurts as far as renovations here, but was never really into it. H told me after bomb that he was sorry he couldn't be the man I thought he was, and I told him that I always accepted him for him. I always had, but I guess it wasn't enough. In the end I guess just loving him wasn't enough.
I believe it doesn't matter what I do or don't do now will make a difference one way or another as far as ever having H return. It would give me peace to let him know what is in my heart and mind about all this, so I can just try to let it go. H is in such a fog that he probably would not even remember me saying anything anyway. Maybe writing a letter would be easier for me. What do you folks think?
