Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[January girl]

It's strange to think that he has only been gone for 6 days because it seems like weeks and weeks as far as the emotions from D9/the chores/dealing with S1 being sick/my heartache and relief. This morning was really tough because since S1 hasn't slept thru the night for 3 nights I was exhausted. He has been waking up crying due to strep throat and this morning I was at my breaking point. My D9 had a snow day AND I had to take S1 to an ear specialist appointment. I stayed home with S1 yesterday to take him to our family doctor. Anyway, I texted H to ask him to take D9 to school (before I knew that she was out) and he said he'd come over if I needed him to....he just acted put out I guess. Then I texted that he didn't have to and then he called me on the phone. I was just so worn out from not sleeping that I started crying on the phone and said that I was just SO TIRED.

Right then and there I was so pissed at him for all he has put our family thru. I'm really angry having to raise our beautiful children by myslelf because he decided he wants to scr*w someone else who is his "soul mate." I'm also angry that he just quit us.

On Sunday when he stopped by to drop off some empty tubs from his moving we had small talk in the garage and I noticed that he had taken off his ring again. He did it a couple of months back but then put it back on after we talked about it. Anyway I very calmly asked him if he was done with his ring. He said "no, why?" and I said "because if you are done with it I would like it back." He said "no, I'm not." I'm sure I shouldn't have said anything but I wanted him to know that I noticed. I'm sure he had it off because he was going to see OW for a superbowl party. Just thinking about football also makes me want to puke because that is something else that he said "she and I have that in common." What he doesn't get is that she is a sneaky woman who would say she loved goat roping if that was what he loved. I know, I know stop thinking about them. He has stopped looking me in the eye when he is here. And I have decided that texting for me is much better because he cannot hear the sadness in my voice when he is reading my words on a phone. Also I think before I say things when texting.

On a positive note, I have started organizing the house better and sorting thru junk. Also I buy what I want at the grocery store which is quite refreshing for a change. D9 and I have been meal planning which is something H and I were doing before he left. I do this because it makes cooking dinner much easier when I know ahead of time what we are having.

I'm still not sleeping in the middle of the bed AND I decided to put back out our wedding picture. I put it in the drawer after the bomb because I didn't want him to think I was still madly in love with him after that sh*t. Anyway this is my bedroom now and I love that picture. I'm quite sure that I love him with all my heart but that doesn't mean we will ever be together again. THAT is a hard thing to come to grips with after 17 years.

Peace friends,
JG