I am not surprised your friends don't want to get involved.. its quite typical in these circumstances.
During these times you will really find out who your friends are...
It's bad enough to have your spouse turn on you but your friends will often turn away too...
Hiring someone to help you is often what is done.. and the PI can collect photos for you as well... they charge a bit, but you can always put that on your H's credit card lol
wow, mb28...this is really a big hassle, isn't it? Seriously! Any chance her H could be on facebook? You can look for people with the name and city.
But you know, I realize a pro like Allen or others may disagree, but maybe save yourself some cash and just mail a letter to his parents like you said.
The only thing is, and excuse me if this is a dumb question, why should the letter be anonymous? I would think you could list your contact info, email only if you are worried about them calling you....again, just wondering!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Newmama, No he's not on FB or myspace. I'm not sure about giving him my contact info or not. I'm just really nervous about what he will do. I'm sure he's harmless, but you never know. I'm the type of person that hates confrontation. I guess other then with my H (-:
This is turning into a hassle. I just feel so strongly that he needs to know and that the sooner he does the sooner the A will end.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Can you visit his parents and ask them for his number? Say you are an old friend from HS or work or something? Ask if he still works at the same place? Is he still married to OW and how you would looove to contact them again cuz you just moved back to the area...blah blah.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
WhatNow, Good idea, I was actually discussing possibly doing that with a friend. We have tried to call his parents home, but no one ever answers, but I do have their address. So I'm thinking this is probably my next move.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
OK I see you want to keep confidential. However, don't you think OW will be able to get hold of you since she knows your H's contact info? What about getting a new email account on yahoo or something under a different name? Then you can write the letter, with URGENT on the envelope, and then tell him you can be reached at _@yahoo.com
Also, are you planning on saying "your wife is having an affair with my husband. blah blah blah SIncerely, anonymous." Don't you need to give some kind of personal info so he knows you legit?
And mb28, I really really really hope the A ends with exposure. But please do not set your heart 100% on it. It is not guaranteed. But the OWH deserves to know regardless.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
The problem with letters is people don't take them as serious as an in person visit.
When you get a letter from an anonymous person saying "Your wife is having an affair with my husband" it might make you think a bit...
But when you get a woman show up at your door in tears telling you that both your home and hers are being torn apart by their selfish spouses that is going to take...
You can ignore a letter or assume is a joke.. someone at your door you really have to take notice.
And...since you don't have "Proof" of an affair, I would say My husband is involved with your wife. You can give him examplesof their involvement, which IMO is just as bad. What do ya think?
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Exactly, the effectiveness of this approach is in question. The MORE PERSONAL you make this the more serious they are going to take it...
The other question is :
What are you hoping to accomplish? If you want him to DO something hedge your bets and knock on the door. If you just want to get his attention then the letter may do that...
I think if you sat with him and even waited til his wife gets home... he will confront her
"This woman says you are cheating on me and sleeping with HER HUSBAND?"
She will deny it of course.
BUT... he MUST suspect... she isnt' likley sleeping with him anymore, and she's in and out at late hours... being secretive, antagonistic and moody...
You showing up at the door may just confirm some suspicions.
If I got a letter at my door I wouldn't give it nearly as much attention as a person who had the courage to knock and speak to me in person.
AND, if you ARE doing this for HIM because you feel he has a right to know.. don't you think he should hear this in PERSON?
Better question... how would YOU WANT someone to do this if it were YOU?
WOuld you take a letter half as seriously as someone knocking at your door?
