Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

Cat,
The "fear" has not stopped me but it sure has slowed me down from doing the right things for me. I feel like I am making up for lost time now, I do feel better about me.

Journaling here,
I did end up talking to my W for a little bit last night. She usually calls around 8pm to say goodnite to our S9. She called on time and I answered in a hushed voice b/c D13 was asleep on couch. My W asked what wrong and I said "D13 not feeling well" I did not wait for her response just handed phone to S9. He must have said something to her or she asked him about D13 b/c she asked to speak to me after him, she never does that.

She wanted to know what was wrong with D13, I paused and told her that I did not want to talk about it, she knew what the problem was and it was my way of letting her know that I blame her for what is going on with both the kids.

She then told me that she lost her position at work, they did not fire her but they but her in a clerical position as opposed to a sales position. Her world is starting to close in around her, money, job, kids, marriage, I can't imagine the pain she is in, she started to cry over the phone but kept it together. I was just going to hang up and put my S9 to bed but I told her I would call her back to talk to her after. That was long enough for her to put the armour back on and the force field went up.

When I called back 5 minutes later, she was miss calm cool and collected. We talked briefly about her job and then I brought up last week's conversation and then I asked if she ever thought about what we talked about last week and us and she said "I think about us everyday". That was it she was ready to get off the phone and so I let her go.

I don't know what she is thinking and I am not going to waste any time on trying to figure it out but I do know she is willing to talk here and there and I will take it FWIW.