Back here, for the second time... #69

[Cyrena]

The obsession with what the OW looks like--it's just like not being able to fathom how someone could be so depressed that he (or she) could lose his interest in sex--you either get it at an emotional/gut level, or else no amount of explaining could ever make you understand.

In my H's case, his OW looked incredibly like a female version of himself. I believe Jung talks about how the MLCer is coming to terms with his "anima," or female side, but ... my H looks great as a guy, but the whole she-looks-like-his-sister bit weirded me out somewhat.

[Kalni]

hoosier,
no matter what Ali (and John say, although John she is f@ckable), in my case also the OW is/was VERY impressing...

[kat727]

It is so amazing to me that people get so worked up over each others comments. No one is going to agree all of the time except on this...we are all trying to help in our own way.

You have a good head on your shoulders and he does lots of loving things for you. I see positives.

We all just love you and want you to be happy.

kat

[kat727]

Oh and I think I have the analogy that will get you men out there to understand our obsession about looks...How good was the OM in bed? Better than ME????

We sit there and beat ourselves up...If I were prettier, thinner, curvier, bigger busted, wouldn't he still be with me and never strayed? Was it my hair color even?? (yeah, I went there, was a bit blond for a while because she was and I tell you it didn't do a thing for me. lol)

Hope that helps. kat

[AliSuddenly]

Yes I agree, like in the pic of her in the low cut top with her 'Lisa Onedays' poking through, except those werent shop bought! Impressive, but not in a take-you-home-to-mother-share-your-life-with kinda way. Good analogy Kat!

Wow, so your H has been kind of .. acting like a H? Doing dishes, chores, being the man, providing, going shopping with you for stuff he needs (bf does that too!) What are your reasons for saying no sometimes?

In the early months of my reconciliation, bf suggested all kinds of things and I often smiled sweetly and said "sure!" even if I wasnt entirely. But I wanted it to work and I wanted him to feel he had more 'voice' you know? Because I was the one kind of calling the shots before he left. Just something to muse over. xxx

[john210]

<<How good was the OM in bed? Better than ME????>>

Hmm...nice try....but I don't give a sh!t about that either...:-)

And Maria, I vehemently deny saying she was F@ckable...I can't pronounce that second letter!

[kat727]

Then I think that makes you exceptional!!

kat

[flowmom]

It's all the things he wants me to do. AOS

Could you take pleasure in doing AOS for him? I used to be really negative about doing AOS for H, but I gradually adopted the POV that doing little things for him "blesses" him. I don't actually think that H's LL is AOS so that effort was probably misplaced, but I did find that I could learn to do AOS in a truly giving spirit.

[MichelleLT]

Awesome on the passwords!

He definitely has come a long way on the transparency.

Now if we could just get him to understand YOUR LL. I'm still bad about that sometimes. Love to be touched, so always touching a shoulder or back. Pretty huggy with my friends too. All of which is fine, but I have to remember how much RB appreciates it when I do little things like help him with the dishes and such.

[BobbiJo]

I have been reading along and I do think that there have been steps taken...which is a good thing of course!

I don't necessarily like them. For example his complaining about giving you the passwords and then giving them to you. Kind of like a child pouting but then doing what you want...

I will keep thinking good thoughts for you, and reading to see what happens next! Glad you have a timeline in place, helps you stay grounded I think. Although I also agree with what others have said about staying in the moment and not judging everything against a list...

OK I will stop now that I am contradicting myself!