How to shake up spouse without having an affair?

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

The weeks leading up to the point where I had let go of her, she could feel my letting go. She knew it was real, because it was real. That's when she came to me, wanted to go to sex therapy, wanted to do anything to save our relationship. She knew it was over *unless* we really worked on our relationship.

When I had let go I didn't know what would happen. I had accepted the fact that I may not be with her any longer, as much as that hurt. That's all I could do and it's what I had to do for myself to live honestly.

For some (and in this case women), no amount of anything that is nonviolent will make any difference. Period.

The behavior is almost, but not quite, the behavior of a sociopathic personality. There is no empathy there. You cannot get a straight answer as to why they want to be married, stay married. Nothing moves them. And the reason things don't change? They, like you, cannot take action against that which they do not beleive or accept as "existing." It's just not a problem for them and not's that we holding a rope...we are pushing a rope. I doubt speaking the truth, at every opportunity, about just how disfunctional the marriage is would have any effect.

I, like SSMGuy, have no desire to become just another statistic. And the statistic is one of failure, not success, though he (and I) might ultimately be happier without our current wives. It's just a matter of how you wish to go out.