I want her to understand that I will not reward bad behavior.
This is how you do it - there are 2 components:
1. Stating what your boundaries are once 2. Consistently not rewarding bad behaviour
It's what she experiences you doing, not what she experiences you saying that makes the difference.
Think about it. If slot machines never paid out any money ever there is not a living soul who would put money in them and play them. Eventually you would get the message that there are no prizes to be won.
The "variable reward" is what keeps people addicted to gambling and to toxic, abusive spouses who are no good for them.
Please don't let your wife move back in until she truly understands what you need her to truly understand. I've been there as have other men on here and it's a recipe for heartbreak and misery.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
