Question

[Lucky11too]

Wow! That is big news. Like you said, currently you only spend one day together, so why don't you encourage him to spend more time with you and S, as a kind of "trial phase" (plus the more time he spends with you, the less time with OW). Ultimately though, he does need to choose. He can't continue to play you both. Try rereading the section on DR again and also review Not Just friends (I just got it, so I haven't read it yet, but I believe you already have, right? It looks encouraging to me). I think you're going to have to just continue to show your loving firm side - ie what you just did earlier - I would like you to come home too (loving) BUT you're still talking to OW. I think in this case, he really is going to have to go cold turkey if he wants to make it work with you - no more 'weaning' off OW. You'll have to make this very clear to him. Think too about other boundaries that are important to you. I supposed it's basically an ultimatum, but if you've already told him that if you sign lease papers that you're signing D papers, then that's a ultimatum as well. Talking about your options first (ie, ending OW) will still give him a chance to make a choice (and hopefully the right one). Maybe too, a resolution could be to go right in to couple's counseling. I know he SHOULD go to IC first, but since he's not following thru, going to MC could get that ball rolling more. I know when H finally got into therapy, he just feels so enlightened and has given him so much understanding to his underlying problems (long way to go, but a start). Hopefully, any kind of counseling could be an eye opening experience for him for some positive change. He may not be able to work thru his OW issues until he has that help. If you can get in there soon, hopefully you'll have a good idea about which direction this is going by the deadline. Just some thoughts...