OK, been thinking, it's her intelligence specifically that upsets you? Right? Is there anything, I mean anything that you can bond on???
It's been 11 years and I was ready to D in the first month. A lot of people are missing the fact that I NEVER had feelings of love and respect develop ever. I'v tried inviting her to things I love, tried things I thought people of her culture might. There are a few things she did like (camping, for example). I believe that if I can get MY heart into the right place, we would be able to be much happier when we find those bonding moments.
Religion, height, all those things are 'issues', but none of them alone make the gap between us. It is the combo of it all.
With your husbands or wives, you might have any of these: - initial love/infatuation (almost everyone had this on the boards to look back on) - attraction - respect for their skills / intellegence - respect for their faith / beliefs - shared history - family connections / money - etc.
I don't have much to go on. So what am I supposed to do? - leave her - change her - change my expectations of her - change me hoping to change her - accept the situation and through any hopes of a deep relationship away
I am trying to combine the last 4, but I put the option of leaving on the table because she kept asking, and I don't mean I reacted to her threat.
I married her WITHOUT KNOWING HER. Doesn't that ring the bell - I had THREE SHORT LETTERS FROM HER - that's all! I didn't have any connection.
My wedding day, my W told my FIL she didn't want any dinner, party, nothing. I waited for an hour wondering what was going on, only to find out she was sitting in her wedding dress on the bed! What a bad way to start a relationship that didn't exist.
So why did I marry her? I was dumb...! If I had known her even a little bit, gone out on 4+ chaperoned dates, I'm sure we wouldn't have married. But we did. So I've been trying, even if poorly.
I don't want to throw it away. But I can't love someone that I wouldn't mind as a coworker. I can respect her. I want to be more respectful to her, but she HAS NEVER been able to tell me what she means by that. I've asked her so many times in different ways. She gave me a couple examples, but they weren't respect issues, they were pure miscommunication. My first lang is Eng. Hers is not. I expect miscom to happen, but that we'd laugh it off. She can't, yet. I know this is self-esteem related. I know it. But she's ALWAYS been this way.
So I'm left with - I'll change, she can change if she wants to, and I hope I'll see something in her our fights have been blinding me from.
