it was a pretty normal day and then my home repair went wrong... tried to fix the ceiling fan light in DD's bedroom and oops... I turned the glass cover a little to hard and it shattered everywhere...on the bed, floor, on the toys...ugh... and I even got a few cuts. And then the fun of cleaning begins.... 'ring ring'... oh, the phone... it's H to share his not so wonderful news... he got laid off. Oh crap!!!
H is pretty good spirits tonight considering but I know he is super stressed thinking about money. He is the sole financial provider for the family and I can only imagine the stress he is feeling.
It is another dynamic to be thrown into the mix. One more thing for us to work on together.
However, it DOES give you an opportunity to pull together right now. We have been experiencing some huge financial stress and I was worried about how that would impact us while piecing. But, it has actually given us a chance to work together, keep talking, etc. You can turn it into that...
I am missing my GAL activity tonight due to being too exhausted from the latest cold and looking after my little germ carriers. I am so looking to when the cold/flu season is over.
It has been busy in our household. H has been keeping busy with some temp work providing a little $ relief since he was 'laid off'. He also contacted a lawyer who has already sent a letter to his employer re: wrongful dismissal. I helped H and spent Sunday writing up his resume. I have to say I did a pretty awesome job.
Our date on Sat was low key but it was nice to be out together. Just headed to the pub down the way for a burger and beer. I got the "warm fuzzies" when H reached out to hold my hand while walking through the parking lot. It is nice to have more of these moments again. I really notice H is trying - from helping around the house to making time for "us".
Yesterday when I was really sick, he postponed going to work in the morning so we could drop off DD4 to preschool, I had a morning nap as he took care of DD2, and then off he went to work and when he came home, he took care of dinner. A few months ago, this would have been unheard of.
We still have lots of hard work ahead of us and aware that there will be setbacks along the way but overall, I am feeling pretty positive.
I am finally motivated to write a little today. Maybe its because the sun is finally out and I am almost better from that nasty cold.
This morning was not the best as H and I had a disagreement. He throws out the "you NEVER blah blah" and "I ALWAYS blah blah and it makes me look like the bad guy" as he is heading out the door for work. And of course, I get on the defensive so it was not the best start this morning.
H and I try to set aside Mon nights for talk time but with me and the kids being sick and H working late, it just has not happened. In the last MC session, the therapist asked was there anything we have not been saying to each other to avoid rocking the boat. I said I was still waiting for H to address the questions from last session in which he needed some time to think and H agreed that he has not addressed it yet. So there are some topics we need to talk about. I know our talk time has been pushed aside for the moment as the main focus had been on H's employment & wrongful dismissal case.
Originally Posted By: rockedworld
However, it DOES give you an opportunity to pull together right now. We have been experiencing some huge financial stress and I was worried about how that would impact us while piecing. But, it has actually given us a chance to work together, keep talking, etc. You can turn it into that...
It is amazing how H being laid off has been an opportunity for us to pull together and work as a team. I am pretty impressed how we both have handle this situation together. It does feel good being a "team" again.
Glad to hear that Maple. And, the days like this morning happen... there will plenty of them. I am trying to remember that the guilt our H's must feel would weigh heavily on them. So, to deal with that they will sometimes pick at our faults and make them big (black and white statements with the "always" and "never"). I am trying not to get defensive, hear the truth in what he is saying but also challenge the black and white thinking. Not easy.... no one said piecing would be. But I think it will be worth it, and sounds like it will be for you too.
One thing I pick up in your sitch is the tendency for your H (and maybe you) to avoid things. We struggle with that too. When you have been through a crisis like this, who wants to go back there? But, H and I have realized that avoiding was one of the issues that got us to this place, so we have to push through and talk anyway, even when hard.
I hear you on the "always/never" thing except in my case I'm the guilty party. I know it really bothers BF so I have been making a concerted effort to not say it all. It's difficult for me but I rarely slip up now after several months. Plus it's better for when I want to make a point. I was able to point out that I have been watching him and he always leaves the kitchen door unlocked if he uses it. He knows that I'm not exaggerating now so hopefully he'll remember next time. (I'm not holding my breath.)
I'm hoping you can bring it up in one of your talks and agree that neither one of you will say "always/never" for a week and see how it goes.
MC is good but this early in the recon it's important to have regular talks. Make the time.
Remember that this is going to be very hard. But you can do it.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Didnt see you move over here! Know how you feel about H sneaking back in again so to speak.. No A here but still the ILYBINILWY speech, back to piecing and H has moved back in.. We are working on things but he is not taking any responsibility for the hurt he has caused moving out.. We are also in a financial mess due to him spending money on rent we didnt have! Yes we are pulling together but I still feel some need to have him stand up and admit he was wrong to leave, he thinks the fact he is just back here shows he is! anyway welcome to piecing.
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Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Yikes. 