I was really upset yesterday after we parted company and it just kept going downhill. I sent her a message about the snow and how it was buimming me out. then after she was done with work I called and was upset.
The gist of what we talked about was how I wanted some hope that we would be able to work on things and she said she couldnt promise that there would be hope.
For some reason she kept saying that I wanted her to just come back and forgive everything like nothing ever happened. I responded saying how I know it takes time...months even years for things like this to work out...but that I just wanted hope that we would try.
We talked about things she had issue with in the R and how I had worked on changing all that, and she remarked that some of the things I had done or that I now wanted to do "is not you"...and that "people cant change in 2 months". She said how in the past if she asked me to change I might do it for a day and then the next day things were back to the way they were.
So she's still hanging on to the thought that I will never change. She's also hanging on to the resentment that I didnt really work on any changes until she left.
As I said things could have ended well if the convo had been dropped but then things were said that cant be taken back...she left angry with D3 and supposedly went through hell over some of what was said in the heat of the moment while she was gone with D3.
I apologized for speaking out in the heat of the moment but she told me I could apologize all I wanted it wouldnt make a difference. She said all she wants to do is be left alone, that she had lost all respect for me, etc. She said she would only talk about D3 from now on...no more texts/calls/chit-chat...and that I was annoying her so much that she was thinking about a R.O.
Granted she's a rageaholic and was still super pissed when she said all this, along with some other hurtful insults, but I cant afford to not take her threats seriously.
I mean I never took her constant threats about leaving seriously and she eventually made good on that. She went thought the whole "we're done, d-o-n-e" speech again.
The strange thing is she apologized to me "for being such a B*tch" in her words.
But as I said I'm done without a choice. Had I listened to the vets from the start things might be different...had I known about and implemented any of this the day the bomb was dropped things might be different...but that's all said and done and cant be changed.
As the saying goes when you play with fire...you're bound to get burned.
