Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[flowmom]

OTMT, I hope that you really truly can hear what talia and Bworl are saying. There is a lot of caring in their words because they are telling you things that most men in your sitch never get to hear because a lot of times no one calls them on their stuff and they can't hear what their Ws are saying.

Caring for 5 children? I have a lot of respect for your W because I know how strong she must be to do that, even imperfectly. Yes, many women who are in the trenches of mothering have trouble making self-care a priority -- I'm in that situation and I only have 2 children. What are you doing to support her self care? Criticizing her lack of self care? That is not support.

You made a huge commitment when you married your W, and then you made another huge commitment each time you fathered another child.

Someone said there is only fear and love. Love is a choice. One that you can make every day. I've been in pain in my M for the past 5 years. And I've actively worked on loving my H and choosing to remember the reasons why I chose him. I've worked on supporting him and showing my care in verbal and practical ways. I've made myself vulnerable by initiating sex when I didn't know if it would be welcome. I've owned my shortcomings and not expected him to be perfect.

You are not trapped in a M with a substandard woman. That is a cognitive distortion on your part. You are a trapped in a life with yourself, and you are the one who needs to shift here.